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From adding buffer time into your morning to building a launch pad by the door, here are our expert’s thoughts on how to simplify your morning routine.
Key Takeaways
- Parents should consider prepping essentials like lunches the night before school to make mornings less rushed.
- Adding so-called buffer time into your mornings allows you to respond with patience and compassion to the inevitable tantrum.
- Most importantly, a seamless morning routine that reduces stress for your family is always predictable and reliable.
School is starting soon, and, to be honest, my family and I are not ready. Am I sad that summer is ending? Yes. Am I relieved that summer is ending? Also yes. My kids and I endured a smorgasbord of summer activities: a few day camps here, a few trips there, and a few weeks at home in-between. And though our schedule has been all over the place, we’ve had one of those summers that feels full and satisfying as we’re nearing the end.
But, now, as the first day of school rapidly approaches, I’m low-key freaking out about how to keep the chill summer vibes going while also getting my young kids to school on time.
To reduce chaos and chronic lateness in my household (and yours, too!), I’ve asked Michelle Felder, LCSW, MA, a parenting therapist and founder of Parenting Pathfinders, how we can create and maintain a peaceful home environment for those hectic mornings when we’re all trying to get our kids out the door and to school before the car line ends.
Start the Day Meeting Your Own Needs—Not Your Child’s—First
Oftentimes, when we are getting our kids ready for the school day, we forget to take care of ourselves in the process. But it’s difficult to properly care for your kids if you’re hungry, unfocused, and exhausted.
We know, it’s difficult to carve out time for yourself when your kids are demanding breakfast or refusing to put on their school uniform, but even a few minutes of self-care can set your day up for success.
“Whether it’s waking up 15 minutes earlier for your own quiet time, stretching, exercising, playing music to shift the mood, or creating a calming ritual (like saying an affirmation or lighting a candle while you make breakfast), prioritizing your own emotional regulation is an essential first step in helping your child to be better able to co-regulate,” says Felder.
Create a Consistent Morning Routine
Getting out the door with a preschooler (or two) in tow can feel like a marathon in the morning, but with a bit of structure and a lot of empathy, the transition can be seamless.
Take my system for instance: Weeks before school, I’ve been testing individual visual checklists (on a dry-erase board) for my daughters to follow and a visual timer to help them understand time in a more concrete way.
I don’t plan to hold my girls to a rigid schedule during the school year, but I am encouraging them to become familiar with the general flow of our school mornings (with room for flexibility) by asking open-ended questions, like: “I see you have brushed your teeth and hair, what do you need to do next before we leave the house?”
Felder echoes these ideas in her advice, emphasizing that what’s most important is not necessarily being strict or authoritarian with your child’s morning schedule, but rather making sure your child can rely on taking the same steps to get ready every morning.
“Preschoolers benefit from the consistency and predictability that routines provide, so it can be helpful to use visual cues (a morning routine chart with drawings or pictures of them completing different morning tasks like going to the bathroom, brushing their teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast, and putting their shoes on) and then as the morning unfolds, gently narrate each transition (‘First we brush teeth, then we get dressed’),” she explains.
Prepare the Night Before
Last year, one of my neighbors suggested swapping pajamas for the next day’s clothes, and, after a test run, I was sold. It might not work for every family—for instance, you have to take your child’s comfort level into consideration—but if you’re facing a consistent time crunch, it’s worth a try if it means getting your kids to school on time.
When possible, my husband also preps lunches and fills water bottles the evening before, and it makes all the difference in the next day’s flow. Migrating some of the morning steps like these to the night before has lightened our morning load, resulting in a less frantic and more successful transition from home to school.
Felder agrees that integrating some time into your evening routine to prepare for the next day will make your mornings easier. “[Prepare] as much as you can the night before: lay out clothes, pack lunches, even decide on what they’ll have for breakfast if you can; this has the power to reduce decision fatigue (for everyone!) and can set you up for a calmer start to the day.”
Provide Ample Time To Get Out the Door
Time is our archnemesis in the morning. With two small children, I have learned that it’s best to give them more to get ready, rather than try to rush out of the door on a limited timeline. My friends with multiple children agree: an earlier wake up is best—at minimum, 15-30 minutes earlier than usual with the sweet spot being anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour to get out the door.
“Use gentle, consistent time cues such as a sand timer, visual schedule, or song playlist that guides the morning pace; then you could say, ‘When the sand timer runs out, it’s time for us to get our shoes on!’ or ‘After [their favorite song] plays, it’s time to put your backpack on and go to school,’” Felder says.
As parents of preschoolers know, the reason timing like this often doesn’t work is because big emotions will—without fail—come into play and at the most inconvenient times.
In those moments, Felder reminds parents of littles, “Try to build in buffer time whenever possible, not just for traffic or unexpected events, but for the emotional transitions that happen when we shift from home to school. Young children may move slowly, resist transitions, or have an emotional meltdown at the sight of a sock seam. Keep in mind that it’s developmentally appropriate for preschoolers to experience big feelings to things that may seem minor.”
Building buffer time into your mornings makes room for parents to respond with more patience and compassion to our children’s emotional outbursts.
Create a Launch Pad by the Door
Are you constantly searching for that missing shoe or unable to find that elusive water bottle? If misplacing items that you need to gather before leaving home is happening consistently, then a launch pad—a collection point for all your kid’s required school items—by the door will help cut down on wasted time searching for everything you need.
“When everything has a home, it’s easier to find what you need under pressure,” Felder says.
Better yet, consider providing a visual checklist of items that go in the launch pad for your child to use, so that they can see if they have all the things they need to be successful for the day ahead. And going back to one of Felder’s earlier pieces of advice, you can gather all the items that go in the launch pad the evening before school.
Get Your Child Involved
As anyone with a 3- or 5-year-old can attest, autonomy not only benefits our kids’ development, but makes them feel more grown up and responsible.
In order to foster that emerging independence, Felder encourages parents “to keep in mind that when kids feel empowered, they’re more likely to cooperate…Invite your child to join you in the process of creating your routine. Perhaps they can choose if they want to put their clothes on or brush their teeth first, and encourage them to help pick out their clothes or pick which snack of two options they’d prefer to bring, then have them pack that in their bag or lunchbox.”
Connect Before Parting Ways
The transition back to school is an emotional roller coaster for most families. To pause the wheels in motion, connect with your child before parting ways. Felder recommends, “Try to slow down to create opportunities to connect: a two-minute cuddle, kitchen dance party to their favorite song, or a playful moment can fill your child’s emotional cup and reduce resistance. Remember: connection creates cooperation.”
Another idea I’ve tried out is known as “the hug button,” a parenting practice popularized by U.K. mom Louise Mallett. Basically, before school drop-off, I draw a heart inside my kids’ hands and mine with my finger, and then we charge the hearts (by holding or kissing hands) before separating for the day. I have found that this brief moment of connection goes a long way in fueling our kids for the day ahead.
Felder thinks that making a connection before separating for the day can help your child process difficult emotions like stress or anxiety.
“What’s incredibly helpful and supportive is your calm, consistent presence and reassurance that they’re safe and loved,” she says. “Build in moments of connection during drop-off and pick-up (or whenever you say goodbye and reunite). For example, create a fun and simple ritual like a special handshake or an after-school snack tradition that your child enjoys.”
If Things Go Awry, Give Yourself Grace
Listen: None of these strategies are flawless. There will be mornings that go south, and, when they do, it’s important for us to acknowledge if you made a mistake—like losing your cool in the middle of a struggle to put on their shoes or serve them breakfast—and repair it with our kids after we have collected ourselves.
For example, Felder says, “After school you might say, ‘We had a tough morning today, huh? Some days are like that, love. Let’s talk about how we can make tomorrow easier.’ This way, you get to model healthy communication and foster the development of their problem-solving skills.”
Felder goes on to say that parents shouldn’t be wracked with guilt if their mornings aren’t perfect. “I encourage parents to start with self-compassion; mornings can be challenging for everyone, and it can feel hard because it is hard, not because you’re doing something wrong.”
Read the original article on Parents
