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Recently, a now-deleted user took to Reddit's "Ask Old People Advice" forum to ask, "What are some less obvious habits and behaviors that you constantly see from young adults that will silently hurt them later in life?" I wanted to see what people had to say (and, of course, see if any of their answers applied to me), and people's responses were pretty interesting, so I decided to share. Here are some of the best:
1."Eschewing anything that makes you slightly uncomfortable and dismissing it as toxic. There is toxic behavior out there, from individual relationships to workplaces to entire oppressive systems at a societal level. But not everything that makes you feel bad is toxic, and learning to sit with discomfort and examining your feelings around that discomfort is incredibly important."
2."Not spending time with aging relatives. One day, you realize your parents' generation (uncles, aunts, cousins) are all gone...and you're on the top shelf now. Then your friends and other loved ones start to go."
3."Not being able to talk with people face-to-face. Believing that small talk serves no purpose. I'm severely introverted, so I understand the aversion. But you have to be able to communicate with people in real life."
4."Table manners. Basic table manners. Napkin in lap, take correct-sized bites, chew with mouth closed, place silverware in the correct place. Going out to lunch during an interview or with older coworkers can stand out. At home on the sofa watching TV, eat how you want. But not at a work event."
5."Facial tattoos. It may not be right, but most everyone will view them as being done out of poor judgment."
—u/mothehoopie
6."Vaping."
7."Take good care of your body now, or getting out of bed or a chair will HURT you later on."
8."Obsession with appearance. For both women and men, body dysmorphia is wild. It isn't just how someone looks at themselves, but how they look at others, too."
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9."Too much social media, which builds dopamine dependency and shortens attention span."
10."Comparing yourself to others. You don't know that person's story and you don't know how it will end."
11."Being rude to older people. I worked with younger people who acted like older folks were less than. They’d say things like 'I hate old people.' I used to laugh and tell them they might get there someday if they were lucky."
12."Constantly having headphones in...coming from someone with tinnitus."
13."Not developing their muscle memory. I made this mistake. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve been hitting the gym and doing more physical things."
14."Went to a funeral for a 22-year-old man's suicide. Some friends showed up, and some didn’t, because it was too difficult. Of course it's difficult. Try being his parents. SHOW UP for funerals and illness. People remember who showed up. It's not about your discomfort."
15."Not learning to be unavailable. It is psychologically damaging to view yourself as constantly available to others. That's one step from viewing yourself as accountable to others for meeting their needs whenever they feel like it. When we were young, there were times of day that were not okay for phone calls and visits, and that’s really important. Put your phone on silent when you sleep, or leave it in another room."
"And never apologize if someone takes you to task for not being available (barring situations like work on call or sick relatives). Don’t say, 'I'm sorry, I was asleep.' Just say “I was asleep,' and if they were messaging in the middle of the night, add, 'What did you need badly enough that you expected a reply at that time of night?'"
16."I find relying on good looks is devious in its sudden drop in assistance if you're used to it. It might not even be your fault, or you might not even be aware of it. I knew a lot of people that were good-looking, and their charisma didn't have to be strong. Then BAM, they hit some middle-aged wall, and suddenly, people don't pay as much attention to them anymore. What used to be easy and effortless became difficult, and they struggled more than they were used to. The first instinct is to blame society for tolerating rudeness more, but...sad to say, if you haven't needed to learn people skills like us uglier folk, you're going to hit a steep learning curve."
17."One mistake is working a job and telling too much about your personal life. You would be shocked at how open young people are and how judgmental their coworkers can be. I hired a secretary years ago who started talking about having *** with the maintenance man at her apartment building to get better service, that her current boyfriend used heroin, and that she had four children from four fathers. POOF — no one wanted to be around her or go to lunch with her, and she was on her own. Then she complained no one wanted to be her friend."
18."Be honest all the time, especially when you think people aren't watching. Whether you know it or not, people know if you're an honest person, and if you're not, they will find a way to close doors."
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19."Find a way to save money. Open a stock account and slip $20 in when you can."
20."Getting married and having kids before you are ready or stable, or with a partner that isn't ready or stable. Children tie you down for the rest of your life; think long and hard about where you are and what you want to do before you make that commitment. Having children too early can lead to a lifetime of poverty, especially for women."
21.And finally: "Offering 'anxiety' as an excuse not to try to be resilient in the face of challenges. Yes, anxiety disorders are real; no, not every challenge merits a self-diagnosis of a DSM-level problem. Resilience is like a muscle that has to be exercised. Falling apart so often means a refusal to try."
So, what d'you think? What less obvious habits and behaviors do you think young people don't realize will affect them as they age? Tell me about it in the comments or in the anonymous form below!
Please note: some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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