What to do when your child wants to quit every sport they try

If this sounds like your kid, here’s what experts suggest.

My kid has gotten really excited about activities like tennis, soccer, and swimming—for a few weeks. Then, after several practices, he says he never wants to do it again. 

I know childhood is the time to try different things to see what you like, but as a parent, his “meh” attitude is frustrating. Once I’ve spent money on enrollment and the necessary equipment, and built activity time into an already busy schedule, he’s already on to another interest. 

As many parents struggle with the decision to let our kids quit something they’ve committed to, we asked experts what to do when your child doesn’t seem to want to do, well, anything. 

Understand Why Your Child Wants to Quit

Nina Kaiser, PhD, a licensed psychologist based in San Francisco, says before pulling the plug or dismissing their request, outright, it’s important to get to the bottom of why you child wants to quit their activity. 

One possibility is anxiety, which, according to Dr. Kaiser, feeds on avoidance. “Continuing to do the things that make us worried—and getting a successful experience—can be helpful,” she advises.

Other factors behind a kid’s decision to tap out of their chosen sport might include an overbearing coach (or other parents!) or another child who is being a bully. In those cases, Dr. Kaiser says, “There is value in validating and honoring your child’s experience and allowing them to drop the activity.”

Asha Patton-Smith, MD, child and adolescent psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Virginia, adds a child could be struggling due to social pressures, burnout, or just an overly-competitive environment.

“The goal is to balance perseverance with respecting their needs, ensuring they feel supported rather than pressured,” she says. “Quitting isn’t always a bad thing.” 

Barring any serious concerns, Dr. Kaiser says sticking with something provides, “an opportunity to help kids build and practice resilience,” she says, adding kids will see the value of sticking to your word and making commitments to others.

Patrice Le Goy PhD, LMFT, MBA, adjunct professor at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, and host of the Like-Minded with Dr. Patrice podcast, agrees parents should talk to kids about how quitting may impact their teammates. Depending on your child’s age, parents may also want to explain the financial implications of their decision.

What Else Parents Can Do

Dr. Kaiser says the point of participating in extracurricular activities at a young age is to accrue experience with a diverse range of activities. Exposing your child to a variety of activities helps them discover passions and talents that may otherwise not be known. 

“Younger kids tend to try many activities because they’re still figuring out what they like—and that’s completely normal,” Dr. Patton-Smith notes.

Here are some tips to help your child pick the right activity for them:

• Involve your child in the decision. “Even younger children ideally should be involved in decision-making and given a voice about which activities to participate in,” says Dr. Kaiser.
• Recognize that each child has unique interests and strengths. Looking for opportunities that align with kids’ interests is key, according to Dr.Kaiser, instead of pushing them into a sport they may not like.
• Don’t make it about you. Dr. Le Goy reminds parents to not fret if your child doesn’t take to a sport you loved growing up.
• Set expectations ahead of time. Dr. Le Goy urges parents to have an age-appropriate conversation with their child before committing to an activity.
• Involve a friend. Try carpooling with another family so they can warm up socially before starting the activity!
• Start with short-term commitments. Especially for younger kids, Dr. Patton-Smith recommends exploring shorter classes, clinics, or trial sessions to test the waters.
• Talk openly and often about your child’s experience. If your child is wishy-washy about continuing something, Dr. Patton-Smith advises, “The decision to quit doesn’t have to be made after the first conversation—give it time, explore possible adjustments, and work together to find the best path forward.”

Even if you do these things, Dr. Kaiser cautions parents that there is no guarantee kids won’t ever want to quit an activity. She notes how it’s normal for kids who have high expectations of themselves to not enjoy a new experience they may not be good at yet.

“Our job as parents is to focus on participation and effort and highlight the benefits of trying and practicing new things,” she says. 

A rewards system may also work well to motivate kids who are less engaged. For instance, if your child gives their best effort at the soccer practice (win or lose), perhaps you stop for ice cream on the way home, or they get to pick the music on the drive.

Finally, Dr. Kaiser suggests establishing a family policy about honoring your commitments.

If your child consistently loses interest in an activity at a rate you feel is abnormal, Dr. Patton-Smith suggests looking deeper, as they may be struggling with depression or anxiety.

Read the original article on Parents