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There comes a time in every person's life when they realize that things will never be the same again. This is what several people echoed when a Reddit user asked, "What was your first “I’m not the same person anymore” moment?". Here are some of the most moving responses:
Content warning: This post discusses instances of abuse, mental illness, death, and violence. Reader's discretion is advised.
1."It's a strange thing to say, but I'm jealous of the people who still have their mother around. it's coming up 34 years since mine died (I had just turned 10) and I sometimes wonder about the person I would be had she still been around. There's no question that it f**ked me up. But it for sure was my first "sliding doors" moment. I've trauma-blocked so much of that day. I still find it so difficult to recall all but a few things I'm not entirely sure are true. I'm just pleased it was sudden and there was no time for pain. And I'm going to stop now before I lose it."
2."I used to complain about absolutely everything all the time to anyone around me. I was known for being miserable and my friends and I made a joke out of it but eventually I realised that if I wasn't complaining about something, I had nothing else to say. So I made a deliberate attempt to start talking about other things, speaking positively, figuring out when something was worth complaining about, and to who, and when I should let something go instead. And now after so many years, the same as you, I see miserable older people around me who only complain and have nothing else to say. That's who I would have been if I didn't make a change, and I try SO hard to not follow them. Because it's easier to complain that it is to say or do something else but I know what kind of person I don't want to be."
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3."When I dated a narcissist. Having your life destroyed by a true NPD person is above any other form of abuse, and it's even worse that it's intentionally isolating and undermined so whatever you say or do makes you look like the crazy one. I grew up in an extremely abusive household where I wasn't sure if we would all live from one day to the next, but dating a narc actually made me see deeper levels of human depravity than that...On the bright side, when I look back at it now almost ten years later I do still see the complete dissolve of myself at that time, but more like a butterfly who needed to become the goo to create something more beautiful. She's still there in essence but it was a complete dissolve and rebuild."
4."The Brock Turner case. I was in my early 20s. That was the day I learned the world doesn't care about women."
5."Since I went through menopause and don't have estrogen in my system. I just don’t care that much anymore. All my life I have cared 10/10 for people in my life, and now I would say I’m a 3/10 for my favorite people."
6."Becoming a mom. I just don’t exist with the same level of selfishness I used to before becoming a parent. I wasn’t selfish towards other people, but my lifestyle choices were questionable at times. I quit smoking when I fell pregnant and haven’t touched one since. It’s not just about me anymore. My kid needs me for a long time, and I will do whatever I can to not jeopardize that."
7."For me it wasn't a dramatic single moment. I've had quite a few painful conditions for nearly 30 years now. About 20 years in I got another diagnosis to add to my list and it was something really rare (I'm case #14 ever documented I believe) that's also inoperable... I remember looking at how often I'm bed bound or unable to speak with a migraine and thought back to my endless energetic, athletic, outgoing self and realised that person didn't exist anymore."
"It's more than not being able to do certain things. My brain and the way I think is completely different too. Quite difficult to articulate but yeah, I'm not the same me I was in younger, healthier years." — AdaptiveRelief
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8."When I had to get a hysterectomy due to large fibroids. I felt (and at times even now feel like) less of a woman."
— pezzygal
9."When I had a heart attack and flatlined as a healthy 31 year old and saw nothing. Four years later it occasionally still f**ks me up. Kind of wish there was a heaven but also kind of ok with just disappearing when I’m gone. I don’t know. It was really weird."
10."Wife had a traumatic birth. Had several hours alone with baby while she recovered. Knew in that moment I was “grown up” now."
11."I was barely passing in high school, I disliked authority figures, I hung around the wrong people and did a lot of stupid things. Pretty much changed when I went to community college and started taking my education seriously. Very stark contrast of my life from 2020 to now. Feels good knowing that I’ll be the first in my family to graduate university."
12."The day I got a car. Unparalleled freedom."
13."After 5 years of constant amphetamine use! It was another night of pointless use until it hit me like an epiphany! It was surreal; I reflected on my entire life and couldn't identify with my former self anymore! It was and is as if it were a completely different person/personality. I'm also somewhat ashamed of this person because they were very shy and reserved and afraid of everything."
14."When my ex (a pastor) mused about shooting me and our son and I secretly bought gun locks and put them on all 8 guns and took our son to safety then filed for divorce. It took everything I had to leave him and the church, and I was stunned that I could do it. That was nearly 21 years ago. I have never put up with abuse since."
15."My child’s addiction. Thinking things couldn’t get worse and then they did. Again and again. At a certain point, I didn’t bounce back and realized I wasn’t the same person. The hard part is pretending I am to my friends and family. I don’t want to be dragging people down and I don’t want people to worry about my mental health."
16."The night my dad died, I was sitting at the dinner table with my sister and our aunt’s husband, Bill. My mom and aunt were talking to the EMTs in the other room, and Bill said “did you see him? The coroner” but I heard “did you see him in the corner?” and thought my dad was walking around, in the room. In the seconds it took me to realize what he said, I knew I would never be the same. I was 13."
— MHG73
17."After being diagnosed as autistic and ADHD. I've wanted to say "That person [me pre-diagnosis] doesn't exist any more" more than once."
— arcedup
18."When some of us friends met and they were talking about their future trip (which didn't include me) and I was not upset, I realised I had grown up much since last six, seven years."
19."My divorce. I developed hard insecurities after that. Experienced true depression. Felt like I don't really think anyone can love me for longer than three years properly. That, sadly, has stuck."
— azraelce
20."When I had my arms and legs surgically relocated back to their original/traditionally expected locations and lengths. I’ll never be a real human spider."
21."When a family member died, and even during moments of stability — my friends couldn't connect with me on any of the same stuff anymore. A lot of people had to relearn being around me. Vice versa."
Dial 988 in the United States to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7/365. Your conversations are free and confidential. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
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