This monster ice cream sandwich was the best thing we ate this week

I don't know what the criteria for becoming a "Love Island" contestant are, but — apparently — knowing where New Hampshire is isn't one of them.

Being part of American discourse right now requires watching two things: the World Cup (probably over by the time you read this), and the aforementioned. I'm a standup citizen, so, naturally, I've been doing both.

The Cup is an easy view; the games are fast-paced and engaging, and the country matchups have serendipitously fell between notorious rivals. Whether live or on YouTube recaps, the whole thing is a cross-cultural, captivating nail-biter.

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Sexy island, though, is really bad.

The challenges are boring, the cheating predictable and the food non-existent (though sometimes the men make eggs).

When the 22 year-old "bombshell" of episode three asked her roommates if they'd heard of her New England state, however, I felt like I could watch forever — because these girls were from Philly, and still didn't know anything about the "Live Free or Die" state.

Should you also be interested in joining public conversation, then, you're going to need some seriously good snacks to get through the 35-episode season (that's where I + DoorDash come in).

All capable of making terrible television an enjoyable experience, here are the three best things I ate in North Jersey this week.

Monster Cookie Sandwiches, Main Lake Market

“Elevated versions of classic Good Humor desserts” (a descriptor I use often) are common on the Jersey food scene.

There’s the Strawberry Shortcake-inspired crunch cake from Anello Peanut Butter Pies, the Choco Taco spin-offs from Beenie’s Ice Cream, the Vanilla Bean Toasted Almond Pie from Seasonal Sarah Pie Truck. 

Never has a local treat been more indicative of that group of words, though, than Main Lake Market's Monster Cookie Sandwich.

Showcasing two massive, soft-baked chocolate chip cookies around seven scoops of the ice cream flavor of your choice, the oversized sweet puts Chipwiches to shame.

Roll it in cookie dough bites, Oreo crumbles, miniature chocolate chips or more, and you'll never go back to those tiny ice cream truck novelties.

(My go-to sandwich features "Tipsy Banana" ice cream, and a 50/50 roll of peanut butter chips and crushed Heath bars.)

Go: 234 S. New Jersey Ave., Lake Hopatcong; 973-663-0544, mainlakemarket.com.

Maccheroncini Al Fumé, Clementina

Essex County residents who've been waiting for my opinion on long-anticipated Montclair Italian kitchen Clementina can officially book their tables, because I thought the spot was solid. Chef Michele Rocchi, who was just a few months off the Adriatic Coast when the restaurant began its buildout, is in the dining room each night; joyously bouncing from party to party explaining the origins of his recipes, or how far his vegetables traveled to end up on their plates.

For those chasing farm-to-table eats, it's a clean, seasonally-driven new hangout.

One of the standout segments of Rocchi's menu is the pasta, as the chef has chosen to be the exclusive purveyor of Metodo Massi Pasta in the United States. The artisan-crafted noodles come from his home town of Senigallia, and are produced through a "rethought extrusion system" that results in "remarkably digestible, al dente and protein-rich" shapes. The texture and taste in each that I enjoyed (through dishes like Carbonara, Garlic Fusilloni and more) were both noteworthy.

As most of you visit the restaurant for the first time, I urge you to order as many of these stellar pastas as you can. A non-negotiable, however, is the rich and smoky Maccheroncini Al Fumé, which combines tomato, pancetta, smoked scamorza cheese, a touch of cream and paprika over Metodo Massi's flawless macaroni tubes.

Go:  627 Valley Road, Montclair; 973-746-5151, clementinamontclair.com.

Chicken Parm (with a side of radiatori limone), Bagels by Jarrett

Six months ago, I released my annual video on my top three chicken parms in North Jersey.

Six months from now, I'm going to drop a new one.

(And, if my current podium contenders bring anything less than their A-game between now and December, Jarrett Seltzer's dangerous bagel place cutlet might steal a throne.)

Go: 451 Mount Pleasant Ave., West Orange; 973-250-6155, bagelsbyjarrett.com.

Hungry for more?

Want more on this week's latest food news? Check out some of my (and others') best articles at NorthJersey.com/food.

Until next time, eaters.

Here's hoping the temperature stays hot enough to let your jumbo ice cream sandwiches melt around the edges, but cool enough to keep you outside (there's only so much "Love Island" time we can handle — even if we're relentlessly dedicated to joining the countrywide discussion).

Kara VanDooijeweert is a food writer for NorthJersey.com and The Record. If you can't find her in Jersey's best restaurants, she's probably off running a race course in the mountains. Catch her on Instagram: @karanicolev & @northjerseyeats, and sign up for her North Jersey Eats newsletter.

This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: This monster ice cream sandwich was the best thing we ate this week