How the ‘Getting coffee with my younger self’ trend inspires self-reflection and healing

What started as a poem is now a viral self-care exercise

Key Takeaways

• “Getting coffee with my younger self” is a meditative exercise that invites you to reflect on who you once were and how you’ve changed and grown since.
• It gives you the opportunity to show compassion for your past self and to give yourself the advice you wished you’d received at the time.
• The exercise can be done anywhere, anytime, and you can personalize it to your needs and wishes.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you could meet a younger version of yourself? While that concept may seem like something out of a fantasy novel, you can replicate it with an exercise that combines writing and meditation. It’s called “getting coffee with my younger self,” and though no actual coffee is required, it encourages you to find understanding, healing, and self-compassion.

What Is ‘Getting Coffee With My Younger Self’?

This idea originated in a poem by Jenna Cecilia, featured in her 2025 book, “Deep in My Feels.”

It has since been replicated countless times on social media, often in the same format—a poem or prose describing the metaphoric occurrence.

There are several ways you can perform this exercise, but they all involve a bit of visualization. You’re to imagine meeting a version of your younger self. Beyond that, it’s up to you how it goes—who leads the conversation, the type of comfort or advice you offer, and whether or not you choose to journal or write a poem about it.

No matter how you approach it, the point is simply to reflect on your life and show yourself compassion on your journey.

Common Themes and Experiences

While there are countless ways this experience could go, some throughlines commonly appear in others’ posts:

• Noting who got there first: These coffee dates often begin by deciding whether the younger or older version arrived first. Sometimes a younger version is anxious and arrives early; sometimes the younger self is harried and overwhelmed and arrives late.
• Allowing the younger self to vent: A motif that often shows up is letting your younger self voice their concerns and worries so you can assuage them.
• Offering advice: Another theme involves the older version sharing insight into how things will eventually work out, how life will change, or how things will get better.
• Applying tools the younger self didn’t have: Many people use the therapy they’ve received to be particularly soft and compassionate with their younger selves.

Why Is the Trend So Popular?

Getting coffee with your younger self gained popularity in part because it mimics our innate need to look back on the past.

“As we grow older, it’s natural to look back and wonder what advice we would give our younger selves, especially when facing challenges or regrets,” says neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez. “Meeting our former selves gives us comfort as if we are giving ourselves a comforting hug and supportive words from our past.”

Therapist Afton Turner, LPCA, says that this trend taps into both nostalgia and self-reflection “with a hopeful perspective—showing how far we’ve come and what our younger selves would think of these accomplishments.”

“When you frame your past self as an outsider hearing your story, it can be much easier to notice your accomplishments,” Turner says. “This mental reframing fosters self-compassion by reminding us that we’ve been doing our best all along, and our best was good enough.”

What Are the Emotional and Psychological Benefits?

Getting coffee with your younger self can:

• Boost your confidence: “The shift in perspective this exercise provides helps reduce self-criticism,” Turner tells us. “We are often much harder on our adult selves than we would be if we were talking to a child version of ourselves. It’s hard to picture your younger self and be mad or disappointed in them.”
• Lead to self-compassion: “When you think about your younger self, you might realize that you were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time, which opens the door to a kinder, more compassionate view of yourself,” Hafeez explains. “It’s almost like you’re able to offer the empathy and care you’ve learned over time back to the person you once were.”
• Promote healing: “By reconnecting with your younger self, you may uncover unresolved feelings or traumas, giving you the opportunity to address and heal them in a healthy way,” Hafeez says.
• Improve your self-awareness: “Reflecting on your past can help you to better understand the patterns in your behavior, your choices, and emotions,” Hafeez notes. “By revisiting key moments in your life, you gain clarity on how those experiences shaped who you are today, reinforcing a stronger, more cohesive sense of self.”

What Do Therapists Say?

While this is a worthwhile exercise that can lead to healing and positivity, it does have some limitations. Try not to feel overwhelmed if it doesn’t go as perfectly as you’d hoped.

• May spark dissatisfaction: “One limitation is that it can sometimes idealize the past, making people wish for things they can’t change, which may lead to dissatisfaction with the present,” says Hafeez.
• The younger self may not approve of life changes: “Our younger selves may have lived vastly different lives—deeply religious and sheltered or completely nonreligious—shaping how they’d react to who we are today. Mine, for example, would be disappointed by my tattoos and piercings.” Turner explains. “For those struggling with their identity and sense of self, this exercise can stir up grief or regret instead of pride.”
• May lead to discontent: “It might cause feelings of guilt or regret, especially if someone feels they didn’t live up to their own expectations at a younger age,” warns Hafeez. “It can lead to a disconnection from the present moment, as people might get too caught up in what could’ve been instead of focusing on what is now.”

How To Try the Exercise

You can take the exercise literally if you’d like: Go to a coffee shop, order a drink, then sit down and visualize your younger self meeting you there. Or you can perform the whole thing in meditation, taking it step by step.

It’s good to set a timer so that you spend a sufficient amount of time on the exercise, but don’t allow yourself to go down too deep a rabbit hole of your past.

The ‘Getting Coffee With My Younger Self’ Exercise

1. Visit a coffee shop and order a drink of your choice.
2. Sit down and envision your younger self meeting you there.
3. Set a timer to ensure you spend enough time on the exercise.
4. Reflect on and tell your younger self what they needed to hear.
5. Avoid harsh self-criticism.
6. Record and share your experience if you’d like.

After the exercise, it’s up to you whether or how to record and share it. You can journal about the experience, write a poem, or post a photo of your younger self alongside a caption detailing your coffee meeting.

Tips for a More Meaningful Experience

Turner suggests focusing on being “honest but kind.”

“Don’t just list accomplishments; acknowledge the hard moments too, as those are even more significant successes,” she says. “If it brings up sadness, reflect on what your younger self needed to hear, and tell yourself that now. If it feels overwhelming, consider writing it out before speaking it aloud.”

Hafeez recommends you “try to offer the same compassion you would give a friend in need. Be gentle with your thoughts and avoid harsh self-criticism.”

Focus on your growth, not on how you haven’t led a perfect life. “Rather than dwelling on mistakes, think about how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned from past experiences,” says Hafeez. “This mindset helps you see your journey as a whole, with all its ups and downs.”

Read the original article on Verywell Mind