Gen Z blames parents for their failures — psychologists say they’re right, study

The kids are not okay — and they know exactly who to blame.

According to new research, Gen Z is increasingly blaming their parents for their failures — subsequently choosing to go “no-contact” with not-so-loved ones as a survival strategy.

The generation known for heightened anxiety, rigorous standards, hatred for happy hours and a deep love of vaping is holding family responsible for a slew of critical issues — including their mental health and bad work ethic.

According to the study, published by Edubirdie, 25% of Zoomers now blame their parents for their physical or mental health problems, 17% say they’re the reason they struggle in relationships, and 15% fault their folks for their low motivation.

And some are finding that fault in full: 5% of Gen Zers blame their parents for everything going wrong in their lives.

A casual onlooker can’t get too close to TikTok — the age group’s favorite virtual public square — without stumbling upon evidence of the intergenerational warfare.

“My fatal flaw is because my own parents failed me, I think everyone is going to fail me,” one poster recently told her followers. 

“If I ever go mentally insane, just know it’s my mom’s fault,” proclaimed another.

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“Ninety percent of the problems in your life are because of your parents, I promise you,” one frustrated young man explained.

“You couldn’t afford to go to the college you wanted? Your parents. You went to school hungry so you couldn’t focus? Your parents. You came from a toxic household so toxic is all you know? Your parents,” he expounded.

Experts say that blame can be a useful pit stop on the highway to healing — while also reminding that it cannot be the ultimate destination.

“Blame tells you where the wound is; it doesn’t close it,” Jessica Anne Pressler, LCSW and author of “Your Traitor Within,” told The Post.

Pressler suggests these now commonplace social media exclamations are a part of the process of suturing — noting that in her four decades of practice, she’s never seen a client heal without first acknowledging what happened to them and that it wasn’t their fault. 

“That moment matters,” she said. “It’s often the first time a person has been allowed to name it or break a silence that’s been enforced since childhood, about what could be said and what had to be swallowed.”

As with most pain points, the only way out is through. 

“You need to go into your childhood and bear witness to the relationship that you had with your parents, not to get stuck, but to gain insight,” said Pressler.

Her ethos is echoed by psychologist Pam Manfredo Curtis, PhD, author of “Origin of a Leader.”

“Real healing occurs when the patient gains insight about why the parent did what they did (e.g., their father was an alcoholic and beat them too; their mother was sexually abused), feels compassion for the parent, and wants to work towards forgiveness,” she told The Post.

Curtis said that, through the recognition process, patients explore how their parents’ behaviors affect or trigger their own patterns and can resolve to change them.

Today’s young people are more likely to prioritize their mental health and instigate these changes than their forebears.

A December 2023 survey found that 55% of millennials and Gen Zers reported having been to therapy.

Anxiety, depression, stress, desire for personal growth, and trauma were the top reasons respondents cited for seeking out a mental health professional.

Factors that directly reflect what they have endured. 

This most recent study found that 52% of Gen Z respondents had been physically or verbally abused by their parents. 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, nearly 10% have gone no-contact with a parent, a trend that many see as a necessary form of protection.

“If your child wants nothing to do with you, it is your fault entirely. I’m not hearing your side,” a TikTok user recently stated to more than 200k adoring viewers.

For experts, the practice of parental exile is divisive — and is sometimes misunderstood by angry family members. 

“The concept of no contact exists to keep a person safe,” said Pressler. “If someone was physically, sexually, or emotionally abused as a child or as an adult, then no contact — whether as a working decision made in therapy or a permanent one — is entirely understandable,” she added.

But Curtis, meanwhile, believes that measures should be taken to repair — rather than reject ‚ parent-child relationships.

She advocates for strategies like deferral, in which the wounded party takes a thoughtful pause before responding to or engaging with a parent.

However, this cut-off game has a cut-off. 

 “The time of the pause can be 24 hours up to a few weeks — but not longer.”

Curtis also admits that there’s a time when permanent no-contact is absolutely called for.

“If someone is courageously confronting their parent about what happened to them, yet the caregiver is demonstrating selfish or narcissistic patterns over time, I agree with no-contact for emotional survival,” she said.