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Some lessons about men don't come from dating — they come from friendship. You don't always notice certain dynamics until you see them in that context.
User xlvin_n on Reddit asked, "What's a rude awakening you've had from having male friends?" and the responses are eye-opening:
1."This hasn’t happened with every male friend I’ve had, but I've learned the hard way to be careful. Several have eventually wanted more than a friendship after we'd already established we were only going to be platonic."
2."They gossip like crazy, and they talk SO MUCH. I don't know why women have that stereotype."
3."A lot of people mention them guys eventually wanting to get with you, but one thing I rarely see discussed is that some men (not all) see you as the exception to their misogyny. You're somehow not as 'real' as other women, so they treat you differently."
4."Who gets the benefit of the doubt and who doesn't. There's a guy in my friend group, Bob, who's 110% sure he knows everything. Bob is wrong about a lot of things, but because he's a confident guy, people believe him. Compare that to the women in the same group. If I say something, I'd better have sources ready — even if it's about something I do for a living."
5."They talk over each other SO MUCH. When they debate, they aren’t always listening — they just want their opinion heard. A lot of them have a desperate need to be right. Even if you show concrete evidence they're wrong, they'll twist the narrative to prove at least one tiny part of their argument was right."
6."It doesn’t last. The minute they get a girlfriend, they'll often drop you."
7."Sometimes it's like having someone else's badass little kid running around. Sit down! Quit touching stuff! Bro, we're inside — quit yelling! I love my guy friends, but UGH, lmao."
8."I’m going to go against the grain here. I’ve had a lot of great friendships with men. I've traveled with them, worked with them, even lived with them. I met my husband through a mutual male friend. I've had a partner for most of that time, so maybe that affects how men interact with me, but I've had almost exclusively good experiences."
9."I gave up trying to have anything beyond casual friendships with men because they simply don't put in the same effort my women friends do. They also frequently expected emotional labor from me that they wouldn't reciprocate."
10."They move through the world more safely. Most can go about their day without worrying about physical threats. They can run at night, get into an elevator without thinking twice, or leave a drink unattended at a bar. It's just a much freer way of existing."
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11."A lot of men can be surprisingly racist or homophobic once they get comfortable. They pass it off as drunk humor, but it's often frequent and not that funny."
12."Even if they have no desire to hook up with you, they'll often treat you better if they think you're attractive."
13."A lot of men who are decent friends are absolute dogshit to partners. It drives me crazy that they'll be genuine friends to me but treat their girlfriends like appliances."
14."I've found men to be far more sensitive and emotional in friendships. The problem is they often don't know how to address those feelings. Most of the friendships I've lost in recent years were with straight men who let small issues fester instead of talking about them."
15."An alarming number of them don't understand consent. They think a woman not saying 'no' or 'stop' is the same as consent. They think it's normal to initiate every step of a ****** encounter without reciprocation, then later call a woman a 'dead fish' or say she's bad in bed."
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16."They’ll take almost anything as flirting because, 99% of the time, they’d jump at the chance to get with you."
17."Sometimes they say or do something and you're just like...wow...you're such a man..."
18."How submissive men can be to other men. The 'man code' often overrides their own moral compass."
19."You’ll either be a love interest or a supporting character."
20."They're more dramatic than women."
21."They value their male friendships far more than they value my friendship. A lot of them have unexamined misogyny."
22."They share you ***** with anyone and everyone — including their female friends. This is why I never send *****."
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23."Even if you're an expert on something, they often still think they know more than you."
24."If you treat them the way you treat your female friends, most will fall in love."
25."Having balls seem like a terrible time."
26."That they'll probably disappoint you because, at the end of the day, they're still men."
27."A lot of men are much lonelier than women."
28."Sometimes they can be too blunt."
29."Not all men are awful, selfish jerks like some of the ones I dated in my 20s."
What's a rude awakening you've had from having male friends? Let us know in the comments or via this anonymous form!
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