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The woman said her parents repeatedly crossed boundaries in the past, leaving her firm in her decision to keep her apartment private
NEED TO KNOW
- A woman declined to give her parents a spare key to her new apartment, citing past unannounced visits
- Her parents argued that family members should always have access, despite her concerns
- The ongoing disagreement left her questioning whether setting boundaries in her own home made her the bad guy
Independence can feel especially fragile when family expectations collide with personal boundaries, and sometimes the smallest requests carry the heaviest emotional weight.
A woman turned to Reddit for advice, explaining in her post that she had recently moved into her own apartment and managed the process of securing the lease by herself.
Soon after settling in, her parents asked for a copy of her spare key, framing the request as a precaution rather than an intrusion. They told her it was “just in case of emergencies,” but she said she declined because she preferred to keep her space private.
“In the past, when I lived closer or had shared access, they showed up without notice,” she explained. “Sometimes it was to drop something off, other times it was to check in."
According to the post, there were times her parents let themselves in or assumed she would be available simply because they were nearby. “Because of that history, I decided that giving out a spare key was not something I wanted to do,” she said.
When she refused, the response from her parents felt more emotional than practical. They questioned why she would not trust them with something so small and insisted that “parents should have access."
She stood her ground and calmly explained her reasoning again. “I repeated that I am fine handling emergencies myself,” she wrote, noting that she could always call them or contact building management if something serious happened.
What frustrated her most was that the issue refused to stay resolved. “The conversation kept coming up again,” she said, explaining that her parents framed her refusal as shutting them out rather than respecting boundaries.
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“I did not raise my voice or insult them, I just stayed firm and said no each time it was brought up,” she continued.
As the disagreement lingered, she questioned whether she was being unfair by holding her position. “I want to live independently and control who has access to my apartment,” she said, asking the community if she was wrong for refusing.
Commenters overwhelmingly sided with her, reinforcing her stance on independence.
"If they want to pay some of the bills (and you want to accept), only then do they get access," one commenter pointed out. "This is your space, your home. Not theirs."
"They don't want a key, they want control!" another added.
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