People over 35 are revealing why they never married or had kids

For a long, long time, getting married and having children was seen as the expected path through adulthood. Today, more people are choosing a different route, whether they're focused on their careers, financial stability, personal freedom, or simply because they don't want those things. As those choices have become much more common and accepted, conversations about what makes a fulfilling life have begun to shift.

Recently, redditor Excited-nuts5858 wanted to know why people chose that for themselves when they asked: "People over 35, not married and no kids. What's your reason?"

The thread went viral and got over 9K responses. Below are the top and most often repeated reasons why people 35-plus aren't married and have no kids:

1."I’m selfish with my time and my money."

—frisky_dingo_

"It's waaaaay more selfish to have a child that you are unable to support financially and emotionally simply because you want one.'"

—b_tight

2."No real desire for either. At least not right now."

—tekhnomancer

"You want to know what I'm doing this weekend? Whatever the hell I want, whenever it occurs to me to do it. It's pretty awesome." 

—goldberg1303

3."*gestures broadly* Look around my friend… does this seem like the economy and social atmosphere conducive for marriage and children?"

—PastorBizzle

4."Never found the right person. I also don't think I want kids."

—IllInevitable571

"Would never want to have kids with the wrong person, let alone tether myself to the wrong person 'til death do us part.' I’ve just never met someone and felt like I could spend the rest of my life with them."

—CloudBitter5295

5."Didn't want kids, got divorced, and have no wish to marry again."

—Turbulent-Adagio88

"This right here. I'm 41, never really wanted kids, my ex wife did and we tried for a few months and it never happened...we split a few years later.

I'm madly in love with my girlfriend, but neither of us wants kids, and we have both been married before and have no desire to rush into it again. Marriage with her isn't a permanent 'no', but it's not just going to be where we naturally progress over time."

—Extra_Jump_7924

6."I enjoy silence."

—Professional-Yams

7."Never felt that biological urge people keep talking about."

—debiler

"I've always found it a weird question anyway. We come into this life without a partner and kids, so I consider 'single and child-free' to be the default. Not the exception.

Might as well ask: 'Why did you never get a swimming pool? Why did you never move to another country? Why did you never work in finance?' Idk man, it's literally not even on my radar."

—Sheesh-Cake

8."Lost the love of my life five years ago, and I haven't felt like dating since."

—Comfortable-Beach-88

"Same, lost mine last year. Sucks, doesn't it? I don't think I'll ever have a connection like that again."

—Stunning_Anteater537

9."Been with the same woman for 15 years. Don't see the point in marriage. Don't like kids enough to have any of our own."

—Ienjoymodels

10."Gay."

—Ok_Let8218

"This is my reason too. Redditors, being gay isn't just an obstacle to having kids, it's a significant obstacle to marriage by 35. Generally speaking, it takes us longer to find our place in the world. 

A lot of us have been indoctrinated into heteronormativity and don't have the opportunity to figure out we are gay until our 20s or 30s (or even later, and some never do). So then, the dating experience a person might have started to accumulate in their teens starts later in life.

Even for those of us who live in a place where gay marriage is legal, many don't feel welcomed into that institution and, thus, don't want to be a part of it. Many gay people's families (mine included) wouldn't support them in getting married; that's an obstacle too.

As for children, I don't want them personally, but I know many gay people do."

—mystupidbpdaccount

11."I didn’t want them and have chosen to work on myself rather than spread more trauma."

—Huntzbadiez

"Yes! Breaking the cycle over here, too."

—vanewho

12."I might want a partner. But I don't want kids. Life is very stressful as is."

—Heavy_Record8704

13."Too **** lazy and no regrets."

—Ninjadumperlover

"It's so refreshing when people can recognize this about themselves and act accordingly. People who are too lazy to raise kids but still have them anyway are the absolute ******* worst."

—r0botdevil

14."Kids are expensive as ****. Society will collapse before I have kids with the outrageous cost of living."

—Disprezzi1

15."Mostly money and free time reasons. Call it selfish if you want. But I'm not going to have kids unless I'm absolutely certain I want to commit to it. And I'm not. Probably getting the snip-snip in the next year. I have nieces and nephews, which is plenty for me."

—Dignam3

"Shocking, what you are saying is correct. People do actually think it's selfish to say, 'I can't afford kids.' That's a ******* reality. You hear people ******** about house prices.... kids are free? I don't understand, it's an 18-year mortgage with dubious ROI."

—foodforestranger

16."Just bad luck. At 39. I’m likely just a bit boring, safe, unexciting, and just above average enough at a lot of things to not stand out in particular ways. Didn’t want kids, and childfree partners are harder to find than I thought. I’m starting to think people settle way more than publicly discussed. Do I wish? Yes. Is it likely? Probably not. I’m in the doldrums of viewpoints because I haven’t been swayed strongly enough into any pessimism, but I am slowly drifting away from hope, little by little."

—Atnevon

17."I realized the other day that I'm my best version alone."

—the-flower-of-things

"This is the answer for me. I’ve had some wonderful relationships, but I absolutely soar when I’m alone and my time, energy, and mental bandwidth are all mine. I’ve always had to shrink myself (a little to a lot) to fit into a relationship."

—Embarrassed-Oil3127

18.And lastly, "I don’t want to, and that is reason enough."

—Arwen_Undomiel1990

"NO is a complete sentence."

—hiddenrealism

You can read the original thread on Reddit.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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