SerpApi.Org
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I do a lot of recreational traveling, and often take local tours in the countries we visit. In these tours, there are often many comments using America as a punchline. How should I handle this? Just stand there and be humiliated?
GENTLE READER: One cannot open an American newspaper without reading that there is now a partisan divide on some topic about which there used to be public consensus. It may therefore surprise you to hear that this is not one of them.
You can agree wholeheartedly with current American policies, disagree fundamentally, or stand anywhere in between; it does not change the simple equation that a sweeping insult of your home country includes you.
As such comments are almost certainly based on the age-old cliche that all Americans are rude or bullies, they ignore the hypocrisy that only rude bullies would offer such an insult to a guest in their country.
The proper response is therefore to silently, but politely, make clear that you know you have been insulted. If you can excuse yourself, do so. If not, look stern and ignore the speaker for a time. This forces others to question their assumptions both about Americans and about themselves -- which will be far better for you than getting into a fight in a foreign country.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A long-lost friend, Lily, reached out to me to reconnect. At first, it had been fun chatting with her and catching up; we hadn't spoken in 10 years.
Over the years, Lily has often used the expression that she is "losing her house" as she always seems to have unpaid taxes and other bills. I have worked really hard to stay current on my own bills, even gaining new skills so I can work part-time.
Imagine my surprise the other day when Lily, out of the blue, said to me, "You are going to lose your house!"
I asked why, and what was she talking about?
She was kind of vague, but I was upset and felt like I needed to explain my finances to her (though I stopped myself). She then hurried off the phone. She has now pulled this twice.
I am really upset by her behavior. She called again recently, acting like nothing happened -- and for her, it probably didn't. I had really been enjoying reconnecting, but I haven't called her back.
What should I do? Drop her? Call her up and discuss this?
GENTLE READER: And say what? "Don't yell 'fire' in a crowded theater; I have a weak heart"?
Miss Manners agrees that your friend's behavior was poor, but she does not wish to compound the rudeness by having you offer criticism. Nor does she think doing so would be effective.
If it happens again, tell her -- while showing a small amount of irritation, but giving no explanation -- that she is mistaken. A friend will notice that and not do it a third time.
Someone who does not notice is not going to be fun to be around.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
