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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young college student, but my dilemma seems to be shared by almost everyone I know. Both on campus and at home, I am subjected to the advances of evangelists for various causes -- not only religious, but also political.
They tape flyers to my door or slide them under it; they go door-to-door, interrupt me when I am doing homework or talking to a friend; they lecture me on my choices. Once, two of them followed me as I walked down the street!
I have tried many times to think of a polite way to tell them that I am not interested and that I resent the intrusion, especially when they express distaste at my religious or political affiliations (none of which I think should be anyone else's business).
My friends and family also have this problem -- my parents especially, since their home is rather remotely located, which seems to draw missionaries in droves. We are all at a loss. What can be done about this?
GENTLE READER: You get extra credit for asking about the polite ways of handling such situations without simultaneously assuming they will be ineffective, and also without suggesting rude, or even violent, alternatives. We are, after all, a society that revels in promoting its causes.
Know, first, that etiquette does not require you to engage with them endlessly. These people are counting on you knowing that in most situations, it is rude not to answer when spoken to -- and on you not wanting to be rude. They are further counting on your either not recognizing their own rudeness in pressing the conversation or your not knowing how to get away.
Broadly speaking, one can think of all of these interactions as sales pitches (even if a stranger giving you unwanted advice is, technically, different) and etiquette does not require you to listen to an unsolicited sales pitch.
The moment you realize why you are being approached, say, "Thank you, I'm not interested" and walk away. It's that simple, and it even works with leading questions like, "Don't you care about the future of our planet?"
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I often go to dinners at the homes of our friends and of her extended family. For the last several years, these hosts have only supplied forks when they set the table.
I can understand not using spoons anymore, but find it very weird not to have a knife. So I always get one myself. Even though they know I always want a knife, they still don't give me one. When I politely ask why they don't supply knives, they are puzzled and have no answer. These are people we are close to, and we all entertain each other often. And by the way, they all have dishwashers.
I've seen these hosts surreptitiously pushing food onto their forks with their fingers. Since I was a child, I have always used a knife for doing that, and was sternly told, "Don't use your fingers!"
GENTLE READER: But you do understand not using spoons? Your friends must look puzzled indeed when you push soup onto a fork.
Miss Manners is exasperated when people consider etiquette pretentious for supplying the necessary tools to get food to mouth.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN
