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What happened to just seeing where the night takes you?
Key Takeaways
- Reservation culture can make scoring the table feel more rewarding than the meal itself.
- Experts say overplanning nights out may reduce spontaneity, increase stress, and shift your focus away from being present with your friends.
- You don’t have to give up on reservations altogether; just leave room for unplanned nights and prioritize connection over hype.
Going out to dinner used to look something like this: You pick a restaurant, show up, and wait at the bar for 30 minutes, tops, for a table. Back then, a fun Friday night out with friends rarely felt like a concert you had to buy tickets for a month in advance. Now, there’s a whole subset of diners who spend hours snagging a coveted reservation just to get bragging rights.
But what exactly are you sacrificing, all for the chance to eat somewhere popular? When so much of our free time already requires scheduling, what happens when even dinner loses all spontaneity? We asked behavior experts why reservation culture has become so consuming and what you can do when all this planning impacts how much you enjoy a night out.
Meet the Experts
- Max Doshay, PsyD, clinical psychologist and co-founder of KMN Psych
- Shannon Franklin, PsyD, licensed psychologist and clinical director at Element Q Healing
- Elizabeth Harwood, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker and co-clinical director at Cultivating Courage Psychological Services
- Bonnie Lambert, PMHNP-BC, LPC, board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner and licensed professional counselor at Crestview Recovery
Related: 12 Habits Restaurant Waiters Can’t Stand
What Is ‘Reservation Culture’ and Why Does It Feel So Rewarding?
If you’ve ever spent your mornings refreshing Resy at exactly a month out, you may already be part of “reservation culture.” It’s the growing trend of getting a table at the most sought-after restaurants, and it’s competitive. That competition can make finally landing a reservation feel rewarding before you’ve even taken your first bite. “Many can relate to being competitive,” says Elizabeth Harwood, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker and co-clinical director at Cultivating Courage Psychological Services. “Securing a hard reservation can feel like ‘beating the system’ or winning in some way.”
In some cases, that initial win becomes more memorable than the dinner itself. “Since getting the reservation was difficult, there is often greater pride,” says Max Doshay, PsyD, clinical psychologist and co-founder of KMN Psych. “As a result, your attention on how good the food tastes is now replaced by the pride in knowing that you obtained the table.”
Ultimately, your judgment on the restaurant’s quality is clouded by how hard it was to eat there. (This is one way hype builds.) Part of that is pride, and the other part is exclusivity. “A difficult-to-book table at a restaurant can be seen as an accomplishment due to its perceived exclusivity,” says Bonnie Lambert, PMHNP-BC, LPC, board-certified psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner and licensed professional counselor at Crestview Recovery. “Thus, what may have started as a dinner reservation turns into how exclusive you are [and] how much money you have.” When going to a restaurant becomes a status symbol, it’s common to value access over the actual experience.
The Downside of This Cultural Shift
Reservation culture doesn’t just change how we book dinner—it can unfortunately dilute or distract from why we’re going out in the first place. “Booking reservations can impact the ability to take advantage of unplanned downtime and be present,” Harwood says. “In the process, we can forget to ask ourselves the question: ‘Is this somewhere I really want to go, or is it something I want to highlight on my social media?’”
As mentioned, that hard-to-get reservation also continues to shape your dining experience long after you’ve sat down to eat. “There is a risk that the table will be the ultimate reward for the diner and the true connection with the food will be secondary,” says Shannon Franklin, PsyD, licensed psychologist and clinical director at Element Q Healing. Who truly wants to spend the night chasing bragging rights when you could simply savor every bite of your favorite pasta?
Planning every “fun” dinner weeks in advance comes with another costly tradeoff: “It takes away from your ability to be spontaneous when booking your evening plans,” Doshay says. “If you plan your free time too much, then free time will likely become a ‘task’ or a source of stress.” Doshay points to research on stress and mindfulness showing that people feel most connected to the present—and most mindful—when their focus is not always on anticipating what’s next. “The more we plan out our free time, the less able we may be to just relax and appreciate the current experience,” he says.
Lastly, reservation culture may make you more rigid in your thinking and less willing to go with the flow. “When people book dining appointments ahead of time as if they are scheduling appointments with coworkers or medical professionals, their emotional investment can shift,” Franklin says. “This type of behavior can lead to making decisions based on what is going to be most pleasurable, rather than being curious and open-minded.” Instead of wanting to experience new things, it’s easy to become fixated on making the “best” choice every time.
How to Bring More Spontaneity Into Your Nights Out
Without downtime, your nervous system doesn’t have the chance to recalibrate. To prevent burnout, you need plenty of free time that doesn’t feel like a task. Here’s how to stop optimizing every night out and loosen the grip reservation culture may have on you.
Aim for Connection Over Hype
Think about what you actually want from your night out. Perhaps you really do want the exclusivity and optimization that come with booking a hyped reservation. But there are also times you may truly value connecting with your friends. In that case, let that—not the reservation—guide where you decide to eat.
“If someone wants an opportunity to connect with others, relax, or find enjoyment, then the type of restaurant matters less,” Lambert says. “While not all people need to be opposed to reservation culture (many may see no problem at all), it’s helpful to allow some flexibility into plans and have options available for very basic foods.” Remember, sometimes the best nights out happen outside of a food truck. If the conversation is great, the hope is you’ll remember the people more than the reservation.
Plan Some Nights and Not Others
Finding the right balance ultimately depends on your priorities. “If going to new restaurants is important to you, you don’t have to stop,” Harwood says. “But maybe it doesn’t need to be all of your dining out experiences. Plan some restaurant excursions and be spontaneous with others!” That way, you can enjoy the excitement of a special reservation without losing the freedom and stress relief that comes from an impromptu night out.
Look at Reservation Apps as Tools
People don’t have to avoid reservations entirely, but it helps to reframe how you think about them so they feel less like a status symbol or task. The ideal reframe: The reservation is simply one part of the experience, not the experience itself.
“What people should take away from this is that [reservation apps] are tools to help you in your journey,” Doshay says. “It helps when you ask yourself: ‘Is what I am doing going to give me the sense of accomplishment and enjoyment, or am I just using the reservation because it seems like something difficult to obtain?’” If the answer is the latter, it may be worth reevaluating what that pursuit could be costing you.
Read the original article on Real Simple
