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DR. WALLACE: I'm a 20-year-old male college student and I've recently been dating a 23-year-old beautiful woman whom I asked out almost on a lark. I met her at an event I was attending with some mutual friends, and I was stunned that she took me up on my offer to ask her out.
The fast five weeks of this summer have been a blur. She's a true mover and a shaker and keeps a very busy social schedule. I've taken her just about everywhere in our town, and I've met many people she knows and organizations and businesses I never even knew existed. I've quickly depleted my savings squiring her around town and at this point, I'll readily admit that I feel like I'm in over my head with her.
Now I'm unsure what my next move is. On the one hand, I truly enjoy the elevated social status I've received, but on the other hand, I know deep down that I can't keep this up much longer. Since I only have enough resources to take her around town for another week or so, how do I delicately seek to break up with her in a way that I can save face and also save at least some of the social capital I've acquired? — In Way Over My Head, via email
IN WAY OVER MY HEAD: Rather than seeking to come up with a contrived story or to effect some sort of breakup using misdirection or falsehoods, I feel there's a much better way.
Start by asking yourself if you truly like her as a person, and if you feel she truly likes you and enjoys spending time with you. Start there and evaluate how you feel the two of you are getting along in the beginning stages of potentially growing into being a couple together. If you feel there are earnest and positive inroads being made by both of you, that's a positive thing. If you feel the relationship is being maintained due to pretenses on her part, that's another thing entirely.
So, plan to immediately be honest with her and honest with yourself. If you feel she's dating you only under a set of pretenses, you need to let her know that's how you feel. But if, on the other hand, you feel there are true good feelings between the two of you, and that your lack of capital is what's causing you to need to opt out, you should be honest with her instead of seeking to end the relationship unilaterally yourself.
If you feel there is a true foundation, simply be honest about your financial situation and let her know you're still interested in spending time with her, but on a much tighter financial budget. Her response to your honesty will be beyond enlightening either way.
HE WANTS ME TO NOW BUY HIS ENGAGEMENT RING!
DR. WALLACE: My best buddy and I both attend the same college, and we play together on the men's basketball team at our university. We were also teammates back in high school, so I've known him a long time now.
He got engaged to his girlfriend, his high school sweetheart, but sadly, through a series of unforeseen events, they recently broke up. He's pretty devastated over the breakup, but he's handling it pretty well because he still goes out with me socially. Even though he's been a bit down, he does talk about looking forward to a different future, even though he doesn't know where to start at this moment.
One really odd thing came up between us. She gave him back the engagement ring he gave her, and he told me that he tried to sell it back to the location he bought it from, but they wouldn't give him anywhere near the price he originally paid for it. He told me that I should buy it from him for two-thirds of the price he originally paid for it, so that I could put it away should I ever find a special woman of my own in the future. He knows that I do have some savings in the bank because I've been working for many years, and I could likely afford it.
Part of me wants to help him out, but another part of me worries about the poor karma of buying somebody else's engagement ring on the heels of a failed relationship, even if he is a good friend of mine. What's your opinion here? — He Wants to Sell Me the Ring at a Discount, via email
HE WANTS TO SELL ME THE RING AT A DISCOUNT: I don't think it's a good idea for you to buy a ring at this point simply to bail your friend out. You have valid concerns, plus investing your money in a ring that may or may not be suitable for your own future use is not a good idea for many reasons at this point in your life.
Therefore, I advise you to seek to help him find a way to market the ring or sell it somewhere that he can obtain the most possible return of capital for this item. In today's world, there are many places to research and people to talk to about the ring industry.
Your friend made his decision to buy the ring and get engaged to this lady, so it's his situation entirely, and as his good friend, helping him to resell it is a more than adequate response from you.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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