SerpApi.Org
Reviewed by Laura Anderson Kirby, PhD
Key Takeaways
- Orchid children are sensitive and react strongly to their environments, making consistency vital for their well-being.
- Helping your orchid child manage anxiety without avoidance builds their resilience and confidence.
- Understanding your child's sensitivities can strengthen your bond and help them thrive.
Why is it that some children seem to adapt quickly, no matter the circumstance, while others struggle with even the smallest change? The Swedes actually have an idiom for this phenomenon. Orkidebarn, or “orchid child,” describes a kid who is highly vulnerable to their environment, while maskrosbarn, a.k.a. “dandelion child,” might be more flexible.
There’s actually science behind this, too. In 2005, psychologists Bruce J. Ellis and W. Thomas Boyce used these terms as a framework for their study on how kids react to the world around them. “They noticed that [many] children are fairly resilient and able to cope with stress in their lives, like dandelions,” says Sandra Whitehouse, PhD, Senior Director and Senior Psychologist in the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute. “But a smaller percentage of kids—those they called ‘orchids’—are a lot more sensitive, which makes it harder for them to cope with stress.”
It’s important to know that having an orchid child vs. a dandelion child—or even a tulip child, which is somewhere in between—isn’t a good or bad thing. Rather, think of these terms as a tool for knowing how to help your child blossom. Read on to learn more about your orchid child as well as some tips for how to best support them.
What Is an Orchid Child?
An orchid flower requires care and attention in order to thrive. Similarly, orchid children are sensitive and reactive. Changes to their routine, loud or busy environments, and other stimulating situations might affect them more than other kids. However, parenting them can be a truly rewarding experience.
“Consider where the big emotions and resistant behaviors are coming from,” Whitehouse says. “If parents can see the underlying cause, they can approach their child in a more supportive and validating way. Often, the root cause is anxiety—the child feels overwhelmed, which leads them to feel anxiety—and then avoidance. Once parents understand this, it’s much easier to help the child identify their feelings and provide validation.”
Don’t avoid things that cause anxiety for your orchid child, Whitehouse says, because that could actually make things worse over time. “Instead, it’s critically important for parents to support their child in being brave and guide them toward skills to get them through difficult situations.”
How to Tell If You're Raising an Orchid Child
Here are some signs that you’re raising an orchid child, according to the experts:
They're averse to change.
“From early on, orchid children are more sensitive than siblings and most peers,” Whitehouse says. “Orchid children seem to be fussy babies who resist being left alone and have bigger and more sustained emotional reactions. Later on, they may develop separation anxiety and might have difficulty speaking up or advocating for themselves.”
They’re easily overstimulated.
“They seem to have ‘portals always open,’” Whitehouse explains. In other words, they’re more sensitive to stimulating things like loud noises, lights, textures, and foods
They may only eat certain things.
“They may be picky eaters with a very limited palate,” says Whitehouse. As a result, your orchid child might refuse new foods and instead stick to eating just a few things.
They have a small friendship circle.
An orchid child could struggle with making new friends, instead preferring those they’ve gotten to know over an extended period of time. “As they get older, crowds or social situations may feel draining, and they may opt for quiet time alone,” says Whitehouse.
Tips for Managing Your Orchid Child's Sensitivities
“Orchid children can thrive with love and support,” Whitehouse says. “There’s a delicate balance between not pushing them into situations that are going to be overwhelming, while not being overly protective. It’s through coping with their fears, developing skills, and building mastery in new situations that they can extend their comfort zone and not hold themselves back too much.”
Below are a few tips for how to achieve that.
Have a routine.
“It’s important to provide a nurturing environment that is predictable without a lot of sudden changes,” says Whitehouse. “Orchid kids like to predict and prepare for transitions or changes.”
She recommends having a regular schedule, consistent weekly activities, and a bedtime routine. This will help reduce uncertainty and anxiety.
Ease into new situations.
Have them meet a new babysitter before leaving them alone with the caretaker, or take them to a birthday party venue the day before to check it out. Before starting a new grade, have them meet their teacher and explore the classroom.
Know when they’ve reached their limit.
“Because they are easily overwhelmed and overstimulated, it’s important for parents to help an orchid child notice their feelings and recognize when they may need to take a break or get away from situations that make them feel stressed,” says Whitehouse. “Parents can coach them to recognize when others might be pushing them too much, and develop skills to speak up, and assert boundaries.”
Don’t let the anxiety become “boss.”
It’s important not to overly accommodate your orchid child. Why? This could end up hurting them in the long run—they need opportunities to learn how to work through and overcome their anxiety.
When to Reach Out for Help
If you’re struggling to find a balance between encouragement and support, a psychologist or counselor can help. According to Whitehouse, it’s important to consider the intensity, duration, and frequency of your child’s emotional or behavioral challenges. How much is it impacting the child’s life—and yours?
“If the feeling or behavior is of high intensity, it lasts a long time (more than 10 or 15 minutes), and occurs frequently (daily), that is more concerning,” she says. Put another way, if your orchid child’s big reactions or avoidance is affecting their life in several ways—at home, school, and socially, for example—that’s a sign it might be time to reach out for help. You could always start with a pediatrician or health care provider and go from there.
Read the original article on Parents
