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Relationships need nurturing. It doesn’t matter if your connection to someone is personal or professional; it needs to be anchored in kindness to be fruitful. Large proclamations of affection are nice, but it is the day-to-day moments that allow real connection to grow. Consistently showing someone that you respect and appreciate them is how you build trust. Lasting connection can be a thank you note or a text message away. It can also be found in taking the time to remember someone’s coffee order or pulling their garbage cans to the curb. Listen to people. Find out what they need and figure out how you can provide that in a way that works for you. We asked the experts for some small ways you can show someone you care.
Share small joys out loud
Venting can bring people together. There’s nothing like a good complaining session. But negativity isn’t the only way to connect. Sharing something positive can be just as powerful. If you see a cute cat, send the photo. If you discover a great restaurant, pass along the recommendation. Connect over the things that make you smile.
“Sharing positive emotions deepens your emotional bond and can even elevate the other person’s mood,” says Sarah Hodges LMFT, to Good Housekeeping.
Use micro gestures
Grand gestures like whisking someone away for a long weekend or filling their home with flowers can feel romantic, but they aren’t what sustain relationships over time. “Small, consistent actions—not grand ones—build trust,” says Hodges. Set a cup of coffee in front of a coworker. Play your child’s favorite song when they get in the car. Compliment your sister’s new hairstyle. Even simple acts for strangers—holding the door, sharing a smile, offering a kind word—can make a difference. “All of these moments show care,” Hodges adds. “And they add up.”
Implement little rituals
Hodges suggests working rituals into your routine, including “tiny predictable things like the nightly 10-second hug or a morning kiss. “These rituals provide stability even when life is chaotic,” says Hodges. When it comes to people you are not as close with you can do little casual rituals that offer a means of connection without getting quite so intimate.
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Respect personal rhythms
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but respecting boundaries maintains that closeness. Don’t take it personally when people need some space. “Kindness also looks like honoring someone’s energy level. Give them space when needed, and offer companionship when welcomed. Flexibility communicates care,” says Hodges.
Go old school
Dr. Deborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT, recommends connecting through the use of pen and paper. This works when someone is far from you and when they live in the same house. You can send a letter or leave a note on the mirror. “That shows a little extra intention. It takes a little planning,” she says.
Give freely
Being transactional is not a good way to get closer to your loved ones. It’s only natural to want to be acknowledged for a gift you gave or a service you did. “We want to be seen and acknowledged for our thoughtfulness and consideration,” says Asha Tarry, LMSW, CEO at Behavioral Health Consulting Services.
Tarry does not recommend putting this expectation on others. She thinks it is better to just act without hoping for anything.
For instance, Vinall appreciates when her partner rubs her feet without prompting. “It’s such a loving gesture that doesn't demand anything. It's non-sexual, it's just I want you to feel better,” she says.
Personalize your gestures
When you’re looking for something cute to do for someone, make sure you pick something they would like and not what you see other people like. Be an active listener. “You're not just doing some standard thing that you have heard about, you're customizing it through them,” says Vinall.
Support your neighbors
You don’t have to be besties with your neighbors to care about them. You can maintain a positive connection to them through check-ins and acts of service. A simple errand might mean a great deal to someone. “Perhaps offer to buy and deliver a small bag of groceries or toiletries,” suggests Tarry.
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Anticipate the needs of others
If you notice that your co-worker is frequently headed to the water cooler, consider offering them a refill. Send your roommate a text if you see the grocery store is running a sale on their favorite tea bags. You don’t have to spend a ton of money to show you care. Just thinking proactively about what they need will earn you some points.
Be a problem solver
If you see someone you know struggling, show up for them. Offer to pick up their kid from practice if you see them running late or lend them your snowblower. Don’t make a big deal about it, don’t wait for permission. Jump in where you can. “Do this for someone you know is already doing a lot. Find a way to lessen their load,” advises Tarry.
Don’t overcommit
Not offering to do something that you can’t do for someone can be kind in its own way. Evaluate your capacity so you can show up strong in genuine kindness and friendship. “Use your judgment and do what you are capable of. Don't take on something that you cannot do well,” says Tarry.
Speak in warm tones
No matter what your connection is to a person, you can express kindness to them through your tone of voice. Soften it up and express your feelings. “Attachment safe relationships use warmth in micro-moments,” says Hodges. “Tone shapes the entire system’s emotional temperature.”
