We ranked 10 H-E-B Meal Simple fare from best to worst

At home, we cook. We have done so for 35 years.

The last time Kip, my spouse, and I checked in on prepared meals, they were frozen. Yes, kids, that was 50 years ago. The meals came in segmented aluminum trays that were reheated an oven or toaster oven. Most of the food was too dry or too wet. All of it was underseasoned. An easy pass.  

Yet Meal Simple by H-E-B tested our domestic dining habits with 10 prepared and packaged meals over 10 nights.

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Meal Simple dishes pack surprising flavor

The concept excelled when the brand's makers stuck close to our regional legacies with dishes from Texas, Mexico and Louisiana.

H-E-B stages its chilled Meal Simple cases near the deli, bakery and produce sections, a few steps away from the self-checkout lanes, perfect for a quick workday lunch or a stop on the commute home.

Enormous bays are reserved for soups, sandwiches and "starters." The place of pride, however, goes to the full meals that usually include a protein, grains and one or two vegetables.

And seasoning.

Only two of our test meals required extra flavoring. Most took less than three minutes to microwave or 15 to 20 minutes to bake.

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I have no idea how and where these meals are prepared, but to someone who cooks almost every day, Meal Simple combos are tightly packed mystery meals. How do you get the basmati rice just right every time on such a vast scale? Even the broccoli is perfectly textured!

(Open invitation to H-E-B: Ask me into your kitchens.)

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Which H-E-B Meal Simple dishes are best? 

We ranked 10 meals from best to worst.

1. Brisket Mac and Cheese

You taste the charred, minced brisket as soon as you bite into this creamy, cheesy dish. The pasta is softer than al dente, but that's the texture one expects from mac and cheese. The cheddar was noticeably sharp, but could be sharper for our tastes.

2. Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya

I wanted more of this, especially the sausage slices. I'd take plates of andouille sausage slices, if that's what they were. A wonderful mélange of smooth rice, tiny morsels of moist chicken, a little bell pepper crunch, and surprisingly strong heat. 

3. Steakhouse Salmon

One of my single colleagues talked up the salmon, and she was right. The ancho-rubbed fish was pink-orange, firm, well-cooked and well-seasoned. Mashed potatoes were just right. Broccoli had variable texture in this particular meal - not a problem. 

4. Tex-Mex Queso with Brisket

It wasn't until I brought this home that I realized it was a "starter" kit for appetizers instead of a prepared meal like the other nine Meal Simple purchases. It was terrific! Simply baked it in the oven at 400 degrees for 20 minutes, then spooned the mixture of oozy cheese dip with pico de gallo and barbecue into warmed flour tortillas from our pantry. Full-on cheese taste with explosive bits of smoked brisket. Loads of heat, just like we like it.

5. General Tso's Chicken

I generally avoid anything labeled "General Tso" at the steam table in an Asian restaurant. This was perhaps the most surprising Meal Simple success: Puffy, panko-breaded chicken pieces, slightly crispy broccoli florets, generous seasoning and the least cloying General Tso sauce I've ever tasted. Hooray for the usually neglected sour in sweet-and-sour.

6. Beef Birria and Cilantro Rice

The standards fell off sharply after the General. The stewed meat was fine and the rice delicate. We didn't notice any evidence of the promised pickled onions. I adore cilantro, but here it overwhelmed the other ingredients. Would not be recognized in Jalisco.

7. Beef and Lamb Gyro Bowl

Why was the trendy notion of a "bowl" employed here? All the Meal Simple dishes are delivered in bowls. The turmeric rice, tomatoes and yogurt sauce looked nice with the thin strips of gyro meat peeking out, but unwisely, I added another dab of yogurt, which washed out the other flavors. It could use more tasty, gamey lamb. 

8. Chicken Tikka Masala

Not a complete disaster, but once again the curry sauce, chicken and basmati rice were drowned in citrusy cilantro. (As Mrs. Lovett sang in the murder musical "Sweeney Todd", one must be "careful with the coriander / that's what makes the gravy grander.") A bit of good crunch from chickpeas, but beware of any product labeled "Indian style." 

9. Blackened Chicken

Crisp sweet corn, lashes of green beans and well-prepared mashed potatoes helped lift this meal, but was the chicken really blackened? I didn't taste any sign of that. The meat itself was tender yet awfully bland. Added salt and pepper.

10. Shrimp Scampi

At least the shrimp were not rubbery, I'll give it that. The butter and herbs did their jobs. Garlic showed up. Pasta was not overcooked. Still, if you must douse the dish with salt and pepper, you've already failed. 

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