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The science is settled. Coffee is good for you. Well, that’s according to the American Heart Association, which says having two to four cups of coffee a day might lower your risk of heart disease, diabetes, heart failure and stroke.
What great news. As long as you don’t believe studies showing that caffeine increases your blood pressure.
And make sure to drink it only in the morning – and if you really want to optimise your life, there’s a 21-day randomised double-blind study you can read. It finds that, while coffee might be inflammatory, it’s also good for your gut microbiome. But remember: one cup six hours before bed is just as bad as half a cup at bedtime. Don’t overdo it.
Or you could stop and ask if you want to live your life like this. Tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson does. He’s designed a blueprint as part of his “Don’t Die” mission. The protocol mandates a 5am wakeup, protein powders, creatine, supplements and shockwave therapy all before breakfast. To make time for all this he’s in bed – alone – by 8:30pm.
Johnson might one day prove to be a miracle of modern science. He’s certainly fascinating to read about. Or he could be hit by a bus tomorrow. And then maybe he’d regret eating the same meals into Tupperware every day, avoiding sunny vacations and added sugar.
And who is to say that his protocol is the right one? Nutritionists told us all to avoid eggs for fear of cholesterol for years until they decided that they were a nutritional godsend.
Wine is bad for you, except that it might prevent cancer. Chocolate is a superfood, provided it’s organic, 85 per cent cocoa, and you only have one square. Protein is great, but protein powder is ultra processed and must be avoided at all costs.
Nutritionists don’t agree on what is and isn’t good for you. Their findings seem to change every five years. And even if you somehow followed the right “protocol”, it’s almost impossible to avoid the health pitfalls of modern life.
Microplastics are in your drinking water and food packaging. They may cause fertility and neurological issues. Perfluoroalkyl and polyfluoroalkyl substances (forever chemicals) are in our cookware, clothes and blood. Endocrine-disrupting chemicals are on every receipt that you touch.
I come from the most health-optimised generation. We drink less than our parents. We wear smart watches, go to yoga and swap out ice cream for frozen yogurt. There is now a high-protein version of the mini Babybel, Mars bar and 0-per-cent craft lager for those trying to hit their wellness goals.
But none of it appears to be working. The Lancet Public Health journal has found that incident rates of 17 cancer types are climbing in each generation. The more we “optimise”, the less healthy we seem to get.
In 2014 researchers from Colorado College hooked 164 people up to a fake EEG machine and gave them a fictitious sleep score. The group they told slept well aced cognitive tests, while the group given a poor sleep score struggled.
But their performance had nothing to do with how rested they were. It was all placebo. You can now buy a ring that tracks your REM sleep, or for a few thousand pounds an “intelligent” bed that offers personalised cooling and elevation to improve your “sleep fitness”. But is it all making you more miserable, or even sick?
I’m thrilled to hear that coffee has health benefits. But I’m not going to wait for permission from scientists to enjoy it. And I won’t stop drinking it when the next study comes along claiming it’s terrible for us. There’s more to life than health maximisation.
As Oscar Wilde – who has little patience for the earnest Victorians, and I imagine would have even less patience for today’s wellness devotees – reminds us: “Pleasure is the only thing one should live for, nothing ages like happiness.”
Lara Brown is The Spectator’s Commissioning Editor
