Men are revealing the immediate no red flags women need to stop doing on dates

Have you ever been on a first date so bad you seriously thought about walking out mid-meal? Same. The reasons can be all over the place. For one person, the reason could just be a date who chews with their mouth open. For another, it could be something more universal...like them showing up completely hammered with their shirt on inside out. And I know one person's yuck is another person's yum. But I think we could probably agree that most of these are pretty egregious.

In a previous post, I asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their first date "icks." And wow, you did not disappoint. The anonymous form popped off, the comments were buzzing, and now we've got enough waving flags to start a full-on windstorm. Hang on tight...

1."I took a woman out to dinner, then later, we went back to her place. When we were hooking up, I heard a key slip into the lock. I looked up to find a guy standing in the doorway. He looked at me and ran out the door. So I started getting dressed while she explained that we weren't exclusive. Then I heard steps on the porch. I assumed it was the guy returning with a weapon from a car, but no, it was ANOTHER DUDE!"

—busdrivermike

2."They showed me the displays of the AI art they 'created' and were wayyy too proud of them. They had multiple all over their house."

—Anonymous

3."I was attending a conference and met a woman between meetings. She invited me to her hotel room. I wanted to talk a bit before getting active. She immediately stripped naked and sat on her knees on the bed, legs spread. She said, 'Stop talking. I'm ready. Can't you smell?' I excused myself and left."

—Anonymous

4."She showed up late, wearing a baseball hat that said hurtin’ for a squirtin' written on the front."

—Anonymous

5."I picked up a woman for a first date, and she was holding three beers that were still in the plastic rings. She just finished the fourth as she stepped into the car. Once she sat down, she said we should both have a beer on the way to the restaurant. I said I wouldn't drink and drive. She was mildly miffed. At dinner, she told dirty jokes that were old, stale, and at a high school level. I couldn’t wait to drop her off! She asked me to come in to finish the beers at her place. I hurriedly declined!"

—Anonymous

6."Out of nowhere, they started talking about how their grandfather livestreamed his death during the pandemic."

—Anonymous

7."I discovered she brought a travel mug of red wine when she spilled some at our booth, and my pants got wet."

—Anonymous

8."On our first date, she asked me how big it got when it was hard."

—Anonymous

9."She stubbed out her cigarette in her leftover tiramisu we were sharing."

—Anonymous

10."Two things were turn-offs for me: the first was not being ready to go on a first date; the second was being invited into her apartment, which was a literal pig pen. She opened the door to her apartment, and you couldn't even see the floor. She even had dirty undergarments in the kitchen sink — 'soaking.' She was beautiful, I must say. But I was grossed out. I pretended to get an important call and left. I never called her again!"

—Anonymous

11."I met a very attractive woman at my cousin’s wedding. We hit it off and agreed on a date a week later. While on our date, she asked me if I was bisexual or bi-curious, because her 'gaydar' was on high alert with me. I told her I am straight but wasn’t at all homophobic. And that I was even comfortable with my own masculinity, that if a gay man hit on me, I would take it as a compliment. All throughout the evening, she wouldn’t let it go. She even told me she had caught me stealing a glance at a handsome guy."

—Anonymous

12."Being asked about my salary on a first date was always a huge red flag. It happened more than a few times."

—Sasha Kyääti

13."She recently became a part of my friend group, and she was nice. She called me one night (this was the pre-cellphone days) and asked if I wanted to go to a haunted house with her and some of our mutual friends. I asked if it was a group thing or a date thing. She said it was definitely a date. I picked her up, and she seemed completely uninterested in me. We got to the haunted house and met up with our friends. We were waiting in line, and outta nowhere she sticks her tongue down my throat! That’s when I noticed some random guy glaring at us. Finally, someone clued me in that SHE invited this dude to come too. He said, 'OK, you proved your point!' She then walked over, made out with him, and left in his car. Apparently, I was just used by her to get back at her boyfriend, who had cheated on her. She was immediately kicked out of the friend group."

—Anonymous

14."Our friends set us up. I paid for an extremely pricey ticket to see a famous comedian who was her favourite. I took her out for dinner before, and she kept texting someone during it. I ignored it, thinking it was our friend checking in on her. But then, in the middle of the comedian's set, she took a call! It was her ex. She stepped outside for the last part of the show (over 30 minutes). I met her outside, then promptly took her straight home. There was no second date."

—prokitten497

15."She laid out a line of cocaine on the restaurant table, put up the menu so no one could see it! Then expected me to take a sniff!! Nope!"

—Anonymous

16."We went to the movies, and they talked very loudly through the whole thing. When I asked them to lower their voice, they still, with a loud voice, said, 'Did you just shush me?' I yelled back, 'Yes, because you’re loud and being rude to me and the other patrons.' I got up then, and as I walked out, it was to clapping."

—Anonymous

17."I went on a double date to see a movie. My date then took out tobacco to chew, and during the movie, they SPIT TOBACCO ACROSS MY LAP ONTO THE THEATER FLOOR. I was equal parts shocked, insulted, and disgusted."

—Anonymous

18."We made plans to have a lunch date. When we got there, she said she didn't want to order anything because she didn't have any money. I offered to pay, but she said no, so she just sat there and watched me eat. It was weird."

—Anonymous

19."When they expect men to pay for them, especially now, in an era of supposed feminism."

—messytrash401

20."Our first date started out shy and standoffish. I was ready to write it off as a swing-and-miss, but the conversation suddenly warmed up and she seemed spontaneously charming. She showed up to our second date neither shy nor charming, but still high from a cocktail of party drugs from the night before. Again, I was ready to throw in the towel, but by the trip home, she had come sufficiently back to earth to salvage part of the night, and (recalling my own share of party-related mistakes), I gave her a mulligan. Three months of mulligans later, I finally realized that I had never actually seen her sober — including, per her admission, on our first date."

—Anonymous

21."She farted a lot during our date. At first, I let it slide. But when it kept happening all night, it really turned me off."

—Anonymous

22."We were having dinner, and she had told me she had two young sons ahead of time. This was fine, I have kids too. But then she said that the sons live in another country. When I asked why, she said that the sons wanted to be in their home country, so they live with their dad. I asked why she didn't live close to her sons, and she said, 'Cause I like it here more.' Nope. I want someone who values living near their young children."

—Anonymous

23."She kept her cell phone beside her plate at dinner and checked it every 30 seconds. I asked her to put it away, but she told me she was expecting a call from her mother. On the second date, I warned her that if the phone were on the table, I would leave. I don't know if she was testing me or what, but she brought the phone out! I got up, said goodbye, and paid my share of the food bill. My parents didn't have cell phones, and they survived!"

—lovelymug3762

24."I went on a date with this woman I'd been talking to for months....pretty hot and heavy. We got back to the hotel where we were staying for business and started doing the deed. Right in the middle, she started talking about her ex. I removed myself from the 'situation,' hopped in the shower, and slept on the couch. She could have discussed her ex over Red Lobster, not during it."

—thesettledpirate

25."They said after a lovely, never-ending date, 'Mind if I come in? I need to take a dump.' Nope, and I asked them to leave."

—Anonymous

26."She slept with me on the first date. Not that I didn't enjoy and appreciate it, but once that veil has been lifted, it's hard to want to get to know a person any further."

—Anonymous

27."I'm a librarian, and they didn't stop talking about how they wouldn't read anything unless it made them money."

—Anonymous

28."When I was younger, a woman said she loved me on the first date. No second date. I’m a guy who gets scared when I hear those words too soon."

—Anonymous

29."They didn’t ever feel the need to tip."

—Anonymous

30."I once went on a date with a woman who talked non-stop about her married best friend and his kids. She didn't ask me any questions or offer information about herself. It was all about her best friend's kids. She ended the date talking about when she would have kids, and I realized she was shopping for a baby daddy, not a date."

—Anonymous

31."When I picked her up, she clearly hadn't showered."

—Anonymous

32."I once went to a restaurant with a first date, and she talked the whole time, complaining about her ex and also his mom, strangely. She spoke loudly and was not shy about swearing. There was a family with children right next to us. I was mortified."

—Anonymous

33."She used really old profile pictures. I even wondered if they were ever her pictures at all."

—Anonymous

34.And finally: "I once dated this gorgeous woman. I was new to town and had a new job, so I saved up to take her to a really nice restaurant. I picked her up, and in the few minutes it took to get to the restaurant, she criticized my driving, my college status, and my life decisions over the past few years. There was no second date."

—Anonymous

So, tell me — what are your biggest dating red flags? Personally, I've always steered clear of men who talk badly about their moms. What's the one thing that makes you instantly think, "Yep, no second date"? Spill it in the comments or drop it in the anonymous form below:

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Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. 

Also, if you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.

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