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White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt often finds her personal life under public microscope. She and her husband, Nicolas Riccio, share a 33-year age gap. While Leavitt is 28, her husband is 61. Because of this age gap, many critics have frequently ridiculed their relationship. In fact, social media users have frequently labeled Leavitt a “gold digger.”
Leavitt herself has openly addressed the public chatter. She proudly called her relationship with Riccio an “atypical love story”.
To understand how relationships with significant age gap function, Morning Honey spoke exclusively to Relationship Therapist and Author Anita Chlipala, as well as relationship expert Dr Abby Medcalf. The experts explained the psychology behind age-gap romances and how these couples stay connected.
Experts Explain What Draws Ambitious Young Women to Older Partners
Many people wonder what attracts a young, highly successful woman to a partner who is decades older. Anita Chlipala explained that an ambitious woman may naturally be drawn to a successful partner.
Chlipala shared, “There’s truth to ‘like attracts like’ and so an ambitious, successful woman is naturally drawn to a partner who matches that energy: driven, resilient, intelligent, and doesn’t sweat the small stuff. Leavitt has a high-profile and demanding job, and so having a supportive and understanding partner, someone who ‘gets it,’ is a huge plus.”
Similarly, Dr Abby Medcalf believes that the age gap isn’t usually the issue in these relationships.
She explained, “The gap itself isn’t usually the problem. The power differential that comes along with it is. Thirty extra years of living is real, and it counts for something. Now add money and career standing running in that same direction, and one person in that marriage has more information, more resources, and about three decades more practice getting their way. That’s not a scandal, it’s arithmetic. Power that nobody talks about is the problem, in my humble opinion. Every couple has a differential of some kind (money, s**, whose career moves, who wants out more), and the healthy ones can say it out loud and discuss what’s real.”
She further added, “I’d be curious about both people, in both directions. If a man consistently chooses much younger partners, I’d want to know what he’s getting out of it, and whether that’s love-based or fear-based. Does he want a partner, or does he want to be admired without being challenged? Then I’d ask her the mirror image: what’s the appeal of being taken care of, and what does it cost you?”
Experts Shed Light On How Couples With Significant Age Gaps Maintain Common Ground
We also asked the experts how partners from completely different generations build a happy life together. Chlipala said sharing the same hobbies isn’t necessary for a strong marriage.
She said, “Common interests are highly overrated in making a relationship work. Couples don’t have to listen to the same music, watch the same shows, or get each other’s pop culture references. There are plenty of ways to create connections. What matters more is whether you can accept and work around the differences that probably won’t change, but that goes for every relationship, even ones without an age gap. No matter who you’re with, you’ll have some differences, and navigating those respectfully matters more than an age gap.”
Dr Abby Medcalf agreed, saying strong relationships are built on shared values and habits rather than shared playlists.
Medcalf shared, “Common ground isn’t only made of cultural references. Healthy common ground is mostly made of values and rituals. You don’t need to have loved the same music at nineteen. You need to want the same Tuesday. I’ve never seen a marriage fail because somebody missed a decade of pop culture.”
