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We're entering blockbuster movie season. As a father of young children, this doesn't mean much to me anymore since I rarely go to the movies. But I still like to see what the summer hits are supposed to be and read the descriptions of the ones I don't know anything about.
Which got me thinking. Based on their titles, what would some popular movies be about in the parenting world?
"Apocalypse Now" - All the babies in the world start crying at 2 a.m. and won't stop. Or maybe just your baby.
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"Catch Me If You Can" - A baby crawls across the country in the greatest tall tale never told.
"The Fast and the Furious" - A mockumentary about competitive speed-crawling babies, and the crazy, all-in parents who train them.
"I Know What You Did Last Summer" - A couple's child reveals she remembers all the dumb things they did when she was a baby and she recounts the tales before leaving for college.
"An Inconvenient Truth" - A father discovers that after having kids, he has to sell his pickup truck for a minivan. Spoiler: It's a tear-jerker.
"Independence Day" - A documentary following four couples as they all see their youngest children off to college.
"Jaws" - A scientist tries to confirm what all breastfeeding mothers know: teething babies can exert more force than a great white shark.
"Les Misérables" - Set in the pre-disposable diaper era, this triumphant film tells the story of how one mom changed the lives of millions by inventing the modern diaper.
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"The Lord of the Rings" - A father struggles to keep the freezer stocked with teething rings as the teething era begins for his 6-month-old.
"Mission Impossible" - His mission, and he has no choice but to accept it, is to transport a sleeping baby from a vehicle to the bed. Without waking the baby. In a thunderstorm.
"The Perfect Storm" - A couple gets stuck at home in a blizzard with their two kids, runs out of diapers, the baby is teething, and a 2-year-old who won't sleep.
"Scream" - A film showing what really happens when parents attempt Mission Impossible.
"The Sixth Sense" - A new mother discovers she has the most extraordinary power: she can sense when her son is about to pee on her while she's changing his diaper.
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"Transformers" - A birthday party for a 1-year-old proves to be more than the parents bargained for when all the children transform from happy cake eaters to hungry, crying, and poopy guests.
"Transformers 2" - A birthday party for a 2-year-old proves to be more than the parents bargained for when all the children transform from happy cake eaters to hungry, crying, and poopy guests.
"War of the Worlds" - There are only two kinds of people: those who are potty trained and those who aren't. Parents of the former struggle to bring children of the latter to the clean side. This one's not for the squeamish.
Harris and his wife live in Pflugerville with their seven children. Please email comments or suggestions for future columns to [email protected].
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