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While we're not speaking for everyone, many of us are prone to interrupting during a conversation. Cutting someone off when they're speaking is a normal—albeit frustrating—part of society, and a lot of people don’t even know when they're doing it. And this habit is not just limited to adults. Whether your child or grandchild does it frequently, or if you remember from your own childhood, you probably know that kids tend to interrupt conversations between grownups quite a bit. And for a variety of reasons (hint: they're not just outspoken).
“Frequent interrupting is often seen when there is some level of executive functioning challenge, particularly in what we call inhibition,” Dr. Cari Alvarez, Ph.D., tells Parade. “Inhibition is our ability to resist our impulses (for example, the urge to speak out of turn). Executive function, and inhibition in particular, are part of the frontal lobe, which is one of the last parts of the brain to develop, meaning it is expected for younger children to struggle more and for them to get better with age and with adult support and guidance.”
Dr. Alvarez—who is a licensed psychologist specializing in neuropsychological evaluations for kids and giving practical support to parents—adds that it’s common to see a higher degree of impulsivity into late adolescence through early adulthood, since that is the timeline for our brains to fully mature.
As she says, “interrupting can be developmentally appropriate,” and it only becomes a point of concern if its frequency is out of proportion or if it is impacting the child's social relationships (others are annoyed by them or comment on the behavior).
What are the main needs that your child or grandchild has if they constantly interrupt conversations? The psychologist shares them below, along with why and what to do if your child or grandchild interrupts often.
Related: 7 ‘Helpful’ Phrases That Actually Cause Anxiety in Kids, Child Psychologist Warns
What Do These Frequent Interruptions Mean?
According to Dr. Alvarez, it all comes down to a simple principle: children love and need adult attention. But a kid who is constantly interrupting could be communicating that their brain is working differently, or that they need to meaningfully connect with you.
“Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD greatly impact executive function and, in fMRI studies, have been shown to result in slower cortical maturation, meaning a child with ADHD might have executive functioning abilities that are two to four years behind their peers,” she explains.
She says that "this is worth noting," along with a few other issues:
- "If your child's interrupting is tied to a broader pattern of difficulty resisting impulses," she states.
- Acting without thinking.
- Not measuring consequences.
- The "behavior seems beyond what peers their age experience, or they seem ‘immature for their age,'" she shares.
If those seem to describe the behavior you're seeing, she suggests discussing it "with a qualified provider, such as a clinical psychologist or developmental pediatrician."
7 Reasons Why Children Interrupt Conversations Constantly, a Child Psychologist Says
Here are some of the most common reasons that kids interrupt, according to a psychologist.
1. They’re suffering from executive dysfunction
As mentioned, the child might be dealing with executive dysfunction due to a variety of causes. If you suspect that this might be the root of the frequent interruptions, Dr. Alvarez recommends consulting with a professional to obtain a comprehensive diagnostic evaluation.
2. They want to feel heard
At the end of the day, your child or grandchild might just want to feel heard by you. For this, Dr. Alvarez says that you should set aside time each day (preferably at a predictable time) where you practice active listening with them—that means no phones or distractions.
3. They feel disconnected from you
On a similar note, another need your kid might be expressing is the desire to feel connected with you.
“They feel disconnected from you and are trying to find ways to connect,” Dr. Alvarez states. “Dedicate five to 10 minutes a day to playing with them, focused on what they are doing, reflecting on what they say and not giving them any directions, commands or bombarding them with questions. Instead, let them lead the conversation.”
Related: The #1 Hack To Get Your Child or Grandchild’s Attention Without Yelling
4. They may be responding to “overparenting”
There’s a chance that, as Dr. Alvarez says, you may have fallen into something called “an overparenting dynamic” where you are always available to the child, so they expect constant, undivided attention.
“Enforce a waiting period,” she advises.
To enforce this, she suggests saying something like, “I am busy right now. I will find you in three minutes."
5. They’re lacking structure
“There isn't a structured time for them to voice their concerns and questions, so they feel they will never get the chance unless they interrupt,” Dr. Alvarez observes as another need. “Institute a ‘family meeting’ where they are part of the decision-making process.”
Related: People Who Never Felt Validated as Kids Often Develop These 11 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
6. They’re modeling after adults
The child might be mirroring what they’re seeing around them, and they might be modeling the interrupting that they’re witnessing.
“Children are constantly absorbing our actions, and they mimic how we, as their grown-ups, move through the world,” Dr. Alvarez explains. “If the adults around them struggle with interrupting, them doing the same could be learned behavior."
So how do you go about addressing this need?
"Take note of your own conversation style—do you interrupt other adults or the child themselves?" the psychologist shares. "Be mindful of your behavior and pause while someone else is speaking, as you intentionally listen to the message rather than preparing a rebuttal. Challenge yourself to wait three seconds before jumping in with your thoughts.”
7. They’re anxious
Since anxiety can make things feel urgent, Dr. Alvarez says that for adults and children alike, our brains try to protect us by creating the worst-case scenario.
“If a child is in this headspace, it might appear ‘life or death’ for their parents to hear them,” she states. “If parents have a habit of solving all problems immediately for the child, this can intensify interrupting, because they ‘need’ the parent, since they have learned they can't do things on their own without the parent doing the heavy lifting.”
Related: ‘I’m a Psychologist, and I’m Begging Parents to Stop Using This 1 Common Phrase’
What To Do When a Child Interrupts
As a parent or grandparent, when a child interrupts a conversation, Dr. Alvarez suggests that you can validate that the child has something to share, provide a waiting period and let the child know you want to hear what they have to say.
She advises saying something like, “You want to tell me something/share something, too. Mommy is busy right now. I will come find you in three minutes when I can give you my full attention.” Or you can begin the same way and say, “Mommy and Daddy are speaking right now. We'll make space for you to share in a minute.”
Kids need a lot of guidance, and their parents and/or grandparents are their first teachers in manners, life skills and communication. Knowing how to proceed with your children is always a good first step.
Up Next:
Source:
- Dr. Cari Alvarez, Ph.D., licensed child psychologist
