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When I wrote an article last week about bitter millennials resenting the lavish lifestyles of their boomer parents, more than one commenter predicted that my own mother and father would never speak to me again after reading it. Naturally, I was a little concerned (was it really that inflammatory?), but after an anxious call home, I was relieved to hear that they did, in fact, intend to keep me in their lives.
Still, they had some thoughts – mostly about how difficult it was in the 1980s and 1990s when they were raising my two brothers and me in London, and how few holidays, meals out and trips to the theatre they enjoyed in that period.
“I remember sitting in a basement flat with small children begging your father to find a job anywhere else in the world just to get me out of there,” my mother said. “For well over a decade, the only foreign trips we took were ferry crossings to France, where we’d stay in cheap gîtes in Normandy or Brittany – and the reason we had so little money was that every spare penny was going on your school fees.”
Now, quite reasonably, she feels it is her turn to live a little and see the world.
And while I admit to occasional attacks of the green-eyed monster as they send pictures of African sunrises and European piazzas, I am happy they are enjoying their lives. But what I was trying to capture in the piece was the idea that the luckiest generation of all continues to win the financial, social and cultural lottery – and that perhaps they owe their children a little more of their retirement than they think they do.
Boomers, however, were not happy with my assessment, and thousands of readers railed against the notion that they were unusually entitled, arguing that their post-war lives were tougher than anything today’s youth could imagine.
“I started working at 12 [helping the milkman] and continued early shifts in all weathers until I was 17, pumping petrol every weekend until I was 19, [and] then into full-time work without a break in employment until I was 62,” said Stephen Tye, in the comments section of my article.
“My early married life was paying a 14 per cent mortgage rate and going around the supermarket with a cheap calculator so we were not embarrassed at the till by exceeding our £5 food budget, and no holidays at all. So don’t you dare lecture me on how I can now enjoy the fruits of my 50-plus years of labour.”
‘I want to travel, and I refuse to feel bad about that’
Similarly, boomers seem to be ignoring the millennial plea that – instead of constant globe-trotting – they could try hunkering down at home for a change and offering to babysit more than once every four months. With most mortgages requiring two salaries and childcare costs soaring (in London, a nursery place costs around £20,000 a year), families find themselves deeply reliant on grandparental support – only to find the grandparents have vanished.
“I’m a grandmother, not a babysitter,” retorts Jenny, 73. “I love my grandchildren, and I’m more than happy to have them for a weekend or an evening now and then, but I have no interest in taking care of a toddler three days a week and picking up kids from school every afternoon. I did all that 35 years ago. This is my retirement, and I’d like to have the freedom to plan my own days.”
And then there’s Harriet, 67, who already looks after her young grandsons multiple afternoons a week so her daughter can work full time. It’s a role that she finds exhausting yet rewarding, but she has no truck with the idea that she should also scale back her holidays.
“I made it clear to my daughter that for two months a year, she’d have to find alternate arrangements. I want to travel, and I refuse to feel bad about that when I’m working bloody hard helping raise her boys.”
Mostly, this generation seems bemused that young parents today feel their lives are unfairly mundane and difficult when their memories of childrearing are anything but glamorous.
“Having little children is deeply meaningful, but it’s not a period that is filled with pleasure in the traditional sense,” says Janine, 70. “We all lived through the potty-training, fish fingers, mad-rush-in-the-morning years and, believe me, it was hard then too – particularly for women, who were less likely to have interesting jobs and supportive husbands than they are now.”
Janine also finds it confusing that her children rail against not being able to go on city breaks or on lavish holidays. “Unless you’re very rich, that’s what happens when you have babies,” she says. “Accept it, and stop blaming your parents because they have some time and money to enjoy themselves.”
Still, most boomers understand that the housing market has spiralled out of control in the years since they were young – and that this has made everything harder. Equally, many would also argue that they are already acting as a private welfare state for their millennial children, with statistics showing that relatives contributed nearly £11bn towards deposits for first-time buyers in 2025. Some parents also help with student debt, which can cost around £48,000 in England.
“We made sure our two had no student loans, and we gave them both some money for a flat,” says Robert Jenkins, 68, a Telegraph reader. “But once we’d done that, I felt like our work was done. I have a good pension, and my wife and I are enjoying our lives. We travel a lot, and we absolutely don’t feel guilty about it.”
Equally, a number of boomers seem to believe that young people are partly to blame for this situation, not least because of their voting habits, which skew Left in the UK for every demographic under the age of 45. “Millennials. You wanted woke... you end up with a crap economy as a result. Thatcher created us boomers. You vote Labour. Work it out,” was one such comment made in response to my point that we are working through one of the most highly taxed eras in modern history.
‘Our children have forgotten the sacrifice we made’
But baby boomers also seem to believe their children are responsible for the mundanity of their lives in other – arguably more devastating – ways.
“We mostly had children in our 20s, and the thought of staying at home every night never really occurred to us,” says Caroline, 74. “We found a way to pay for babysitters and went out dancing or had friends over for dinner and stayed up until 3am. Yes, it was tiring, but it was fun.”
But when Caroline looks at her own children – who mostly waited until their late 30s to have families – she worries that they have given up on excitement and romance. “They have these huge televisions, and they worry about letting anyone else do bedtime, so they just sit at home every evening – and when they do go out, it’s to see one school friend. Where’s the glamour? Where’s the flirting? I don’t think it’s healthy, but I can’t tell you how cross it makes my daughter when I suggest she should live a little.”
And then there are the baby boomers who believe it is not they, but their adult children, who are infuriatingly spendthrift. Catherine and Michael are both in their early 70s and made the difficult decision to sell their beautiful five-bedroom house a few years ago to help their three children get on the housing ladder. They now live in a much smaller cottage, and it rankles to see their offspring spending far more lavishly than they ever would.
“Concert tickets at £200 a pop, new dresses at £300 a go and meals out in London three times a week,” says Catherine. “My children were grateful when we gave them each a sizeable deposit, but I think they have forgotten the sacrifice we made to do so, and it can grate a little when I hear about them buying things or doing things my husband and I can’t afford precisely because we gave them all our money.”
In the end, perhaps, the only thing each generation has in common is the conviction that they have it harder than everyone else – and that nobody appreciates their immense sacrifice.
The original article
Our selfish boomer parents are living their best lives while we struggle
