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When you’re pregnant and want a question answered ASAP, it can feel easier to plug it into ChatGPT or TikTok rather than ask your doctor. After all, it could take days to hear back in the patient portal, and it’s intimidating to call the office between appointments. If you’re still in the early weeks, you might not even have an OB to reach out to just yet.
Then, when you’re finally at an appointment and face-to-face, you may feel short on time — or even worse, casually dismissed. Nearly 30% of moms say their practitioner didn’t always listen to their concerns during pregnancy, according to a new What to Expect survey.
But talking to your doctor is truly the only way to get the most accurate and personalized answers. And asking questions isn’t pushy; it’s your right as a patient. “A doctor-patient relationship is meant to be truly that, a relationship,” says Veronica Gillispie-Bell, M.D., a board-certified obstetrician and gynecologist (OB/GYN).
So how do you make sure your questions get heard without feeling dismissed? Consider this your guide to speaking up in any scenario, with advice straight from doctors and patient advocates.
“I can’t get an appointment until 10 weeks, but I have a pressing question.”
The second you find out you’re pregnant, questions can start piling up in your mind. It can seem torturous to have to wait until your first appointment to ask them. Luckily, you don’t have to. If you already know who your doctor will be, it’s completely okay to send them a message through the patient portal, says Dr. Gillispie-Bell.
What if you don’t have access to a patient portal just yet — or haven’t even set up that first appointment? Call the doctor’s office to get on their schedule and share that you have questions you want answered before then, says Caitlin Donovan, the senior director of the Patient Advocate Foundation. They might expedite your first appointment or walk you through how to get set up on the portal so you can send your future provider your question there.
If your question is urgent and you’re worried about your health or your baby’s health, Dr. Gillispie-Bell says to call your local hospital’s labor and delivery division — a quick Google search can get you the department’s phone number. If you know who your OB will be, their practice’s website might even tell you their hospital affiliations. You can call with questions, even if you’re not sure if you will be delivering there. “Labor and delivery is open 24/7 and there is always a nurse trained in obstetrics who can answer those calls,” says Dr. Gillispie-Bell.
“My doctor’s hand is on the doorknob, but I have more I want to discuss.”
Nothing beats the face time you get during appointments. But once you’re there, it may feel like your doctor doesn’t have time to truly listen to your concerns and address them in a thoughtful way. “The majority of OBGYNs spend between 15 and 17 minutes with each patient,” says Dr. Gillispie-Bell. “It’s not that we want that. There’s just not enough of us, and we’re trying to see as many patients as possible.” Even though doctors may have legitimate pressure to keep appointments short and stay on schedule, you still deserve to get all of your questions answered — and you can.
To make sure your provider addresses everything you want them to, come with a pre-written list of questions you’ve been waiting to ask. Then, bring them up at the beginning of the appointment, rather than the end, Donovan suggests. What to Expect Community moms also suggest telling your intake nurse that you have questions before your OB even enters the exam room so they can prepare to spend a little extra time with you addressing them.
If the end of the appointment arrives and you still have more to ask, say something like, “I know we’re running out of time, but I do have some additional questions,” Dr. Gillispie-Bell recommends. If you can’t get all your questions in before you leave, ask the front desk if your doctor can call you or message your provider through the patient portal on your way out.
“My symptoms keep being dismissed as ‘just a part of pregnancy,’ but I still worry this isn’t normal.”
Even if you’re usually attuned to your body, it can be challenging to know what is and isn’t a normal symptom when you’re pregnant — especially if it’s your first pregnancy.
If you’ve brought up your concern during an appointment and you feel dismissed, Donovan says to ask for proof that what you’re experiencing is normal. “You can say, ‘I hear you saying that this is normal, but it doesn’t feel normal to me. How can we test it to be sure?’”
She also suggests bringing a partner, friend, or doula to your appointments to help you retain and remember everything the doctor is saying — not to mention speak up for your care. While doulas are often thought of as advocates during labor and delivery, they can also come with you to prenatal care appointments.
A doula’s job is to make a mom-to-be feel safe and supported during pregnancy, says Nicole JeanBaptiste, a doula and the founder of Sésé, Birthing Freedom. If you don’t feel that something you’re worried about is being taken seriously, the doula can emphasize this to the provider, she adds.
And remember — always trust your gut, advises Dr. Gillispie-Bell. Ultimately, if your primary provider isn’t giving you the support you need and your intuition is telling you that what you’re experiencing is urgent, she says to go to the emergency room to get it checked out.
“I think I have a condition I learned about on TikTok, but don’t want my doctor to roll her eyes at me when I say that.”
You should never feel embarrassed or ashamed when asking a question about pregnancy — no matter what made you start to worry about it, says Dr. Gillispie-Bell. But it can still feel very intimidating to ask your doctor (who has real, earned credentials) about something you heard about from an internet stranger.
You still can, though. The best way to do this is to start small. Instead of going straight into self-diagnosis mode, list your symptoms, suggests Dr. Gillipie-Bell. You could say something like, “I’ve been experiencing frequent headaches and noticed that my ankles and feet are more swollen than usual. Could this be a sign of preeclampsia?” If your doctor says no, ask more about how they ruled out this condition. Have them explain the condition in more personal detail than a TikTok post could.
It’s also natural to want to hear from other moms-to-be about their pregnancy symptoms. Message boards, like What to Expect’s birth month clubs, and social media make that easier than ever. But Dr. Gillispie-Bell wants moms-to-be to remember that these posts are not from medical experts.
“When joining an online community to share thoughts, feelings, and experiences, it is important to remember that, in general, there are no medical experts in that community, so you should also rely on your physician or healthcare provider for medical advice,” she says.
“I have a lot of anxiety, but don’t want to be labeled as a difficult patient by asking a million questions.”
It’s actually a good idea to tell your provider if you’re experiencing any anxiety during your pregnancy. “Knowing one’s history and current fears can help with creating a space where you feel safe when you may otherwise feel triggered by certain smells, sounds, touches, or whatever it may be,” JeanBaptiste says.
This means your care team wants to know if you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, infant loss, or any sort of medical trauma. They’d also appreciate a heads-up if you have a mental health condition or are experiencing anxiety during pregnancy for any other reason.
JeanBaptiste recommends communicating any past traumas or current mental health concerns to your doctor, doula, and anyone else on your care team as early as possible. That way, they can make sure you feel safe and comfortable throughout the duration of your pregnancy.
It can feel scary to be vulnerable with your provider, especially if the relationship is new. If you’re not sure where to start, try to keep it simple, saying something like, “I’ve experienced pregnancy loss in the past, so I’m feeling particularly anxious about this pregnancy. I’d love to talk about ways we can work together so I feel more at ease.”
From a clinical point of view, Dr. Gillispie-Bell says that it’s important that your OB knows the root of your anxiety to ensure that your pregnancy and delivery are as safe as possible. “If someone previously didn’t get past 10 weeks in their pregnancy, they’re going to be holding their breath until they get to 12 weeks this time around,” Dr. Gillispie-Bell says. “It’s important to express this to their provider so their physician can give them some reassurance.” For example, she says that there is a lot more monitoring during pregnancy when there has been a previous loss, which can include increased frequency of visits or more ultrasounds during pregnancy.
Dr. Gillispie-Bell and JeanBaptiste emphasize that doctors and doulas both want to do everything they can to ease anxiety during pregnancy. “The doctor can do this through clinical care, while the doula can do this through affirmations, such as reminding someone that their body is capable and their current experience is not the one they’ve had in the past,” JeanBaptiste says.
Methodology
The What to Expect 2025 Maternal Health Study was conducted between June 26 and July 10, 2025. We surveyed 3,285 women ages 18 to 49 who are trying to conceive, are expecting, or have a child ages 0 to 11 months old.
