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"This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. An elegant weapon for a more civilized age."
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) had that to say about the lightsaber, and he wasn't exaggerating. Ever since "Star Wars" came out in 1977, the lightsaber has become one of the most iconic weapons in cinematic history. There's something clean and tactile about an object that looks like a simple sword but has a burst of light coming out of the hilt. Over the years, numerous variations and improvements have been made on this excellent concept.
Some lightsabers are too overpowered for their own good. But we can't complain too much when the movies, TV shows, and comic books have also been responsible for enhancing the lightsaber in various ways. The best lightsaber designs offer some subtle touches to make the weapon all the more powerful or practical. But some redesigns are total overkill.
In an effort to make the lightsaber "cool," some artists and writers have gone in the opposite direction. You don't need improve something too much that was already stellar. Still, Star Wars has produced some truly awful lightsaber designs over the years. We can't imagine why anyone in that franchise would want to use these five uniquely awful versions.
Read more: 10 Sci-Fi Movies That Make Absolutely No Sense
5. Protosaber
All good ideas have to start somewhere, and it would only make sense that it took a while to refine what the lightsaber would become. Star Wars Legends projects, which consists of books and other properties that were deemed non-canon after Disney bought Lucasfilm, introduced the first lightsaber in Star Wars — the Protosaber. This was basically a clunky version of the weapon we all know and love. There was the familiar beam of light coming out of a hilt, but it was connected to an energy pack the user would wear, making it a rather cumbersome weapon to bring into battle.
A version of the protosaber entered official continuity with "War of the Bounty Hunters — Boushh" #1 by Alyssa Wong and David Baldeón. An individual named Domina Tagge uses one when targeted by bounty hunters, but it comes with some key problems. The core is unstable, and it short-circuits during fights.
No matter which variation of the protosaber you go with, it's an unwieldy weapon. But it's unwieldy because Jedi were still trying to figure out how to make this energy-based weapon practical in duels. They were still working out the kinks back then, so that's why the protosaber ranks last on our list of worst lightsaber designs. It's bad for a reason, and you'd want to be careful making sure an opponent doesn't slash through your battery pack. That would likely have catastrophic consequences.
4. Inquisitor Spinning Lightsaber
One of the most (rightfully) maligned lightsaber designs belongs to Vader's Inquisitors. These enforcers of the Empire occasionally boast spinning lightsabers that move the blade around so fast it creates a full circle of light. And while it may look intimidating on first glance, time has proven repeatedly that, at best, it's silly. At worst, it leaves the user open to basic attacks.
Let's get this out of the way: It's very silly that, in "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," Inquisitors use spinning lightsabers to generate enough force to fly into the sky. One might be able to hand-wave this away by saying the Inquisitors are using the Force to bolster their liftoff and speed, but even with that in mind, they look ridiculous. An Inquisitor will be in the middle of a fight and then just glide up into the air like Mary Poppins. It strips away their intimidating stature.
But the spinning lightsaber also seems impractical in battle, as seen when "Ahsoka" Episode 4. The show proved a hilarious truth about Inquisitors, as Ahsoka (Rosario Dawson) easily defeats Marrok (Paul Darnell). He got his lightsaber spinning, and Ahsoka was easily able to slice him in two with a precise strike when he was too busy raising his lightsaber to the side. Even though they're clearly stupid and impractical, Inquisitors continued to use them for years. They really should have asked the Emperor for a redesign.
3. Lightwhip
Going back to Obi-Wan Kenobi's original quote about how lightsabers aren't as clumsy as a blaster, it's weird that one would be made that feels far clumsier than a gun. Lightwhips have cropped up in various forms of Star Wars media, both canon and non-canon, but it received prominent placement as the weapon of choice for Vernestra Rwoh (Rebecca Henderson) on "The Acolyte."
It seems cool at first, but the more you think about it, the less it's practical. Just imagine: An enemy is charging toward you with a lightsaber. How are you going to defend yourself? A lightwhip is all noodle-y. You can't hold it up to yourself to deflect a blow. It's more intended for a bold attacker's style, but even then it feels like more of a hassle than it's worth.
It seems more intended to cut through jungle vines, honestly, a la Indiana Jones. But have you ever tried swinging a normal whip around? It takes a lot of practice to get right, and to not hit yourself with said whip. With leather, you might get a bruise, but with a lightwhip, you could cut through your own arm on a practice session. It feels like a high risk, low reward venture, since a lightsaber is useful for both battles and maneuvering around forests.
2. Lightsaber implants
There are admittedly a lot of cool ideas within the non-canon Star Wars Legends continuity. Many artists and writers were trying to come up with amazing concepts without having to worry too much about what the implications were for the larger universe. Of course, some aspects of Star Wars Legends are probably better left to the sands of time. Chief among them are the lightsaber implants worn by Lord Nyax.
Irek Ismaren, introduced in the novel "Children of the Jedi" by Barbara Hambly, studied the Dark Side of the Force from a young age and put his body through hell and back to become the most formidable opponent imaginable. Part of this included receiving cybernetic enhancements so that lightsaber blades came out of his knees, wrists, and elbows. Through this process, Irek emerged as Lord Nyax and became a terrifying combatant.
"Children of the Jedi" came out in 1996, and honestly, Lord Nyax feels like an early precursor to General Grievous (he's pictured above instead, but imagine a guy with glowing kneecaps). Having multiple lightsaber blades come out of various joints feels needlessly convoluted. Nyax can retract the blades using his mind, but it's still ridiculous trying to slash an opponent by waving your elbow. General Grievous is just cool. He features a much cleaner design that allows for visually-unique fights to occur, and he doesn't raise a host of questions as to whether Nyax has to flail around in order to use his kneesaber.
1. War Dragon Rider's Lightsaber
There's actually a pretty cool story behind the worst lightsaber design of all time. Back in the 1990s, "Star Wars Galaxy Magazine" announced a contest for readers to submit their own entries for an alien to exist in the Star Wars universe. Mark Rehkopf wound up winning with his Ubese Thorn-Back War Dragon, basically a dinosaur with a War Dragon Rider sitting atop it. Leland Chee, who worked as a continuity editor for Lucasfilm, posted in a 2006 message board that all of the creatures who were part of this contest became canon, although they're likely non-canon with Disney's acquisition of Lucasfilm.
With all due respect to Rehkopf, the dinodragon itself is awesome, but we have some notes on the lightsaber design. It's a dual-bladed lightsaber, not unlike what Darth Maul had, but there's an extra bit of plasma between the two hilts. That means if you aren't paying attention, you could accidentally try to hold the lightsaber smack-dab in the middle and end up searing your own hand.
One would assume Dragon Riders are proficient at keeping both hands on the hilts at all times. But there's really no excuse for why that extra plasma is in there. It's not significant enough to hit an opponent with. It's just a workplace safety hazard, so it's no surprise to see that Disney and Lucasfilm have yet to canonize it.
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Read the original article on Looper.
