Tom Collins: Las Malvinas should follow Gibraltar in fleeing a sinking empire

This time around I have been keeping an eye on the World Cup from afar. It made no difference to FIFA whether I watched the games or not.

But, after its shambolic and embarrassing decision to move into the peace prize business, I decided enough was enough. It has now joined the list of organisations I am boycotting - Amazon, Facebook and X among them.

Sadly, as the constant stream of parcels from Amazon to our house testifies, I have yet to convince the rest of my family to follow suit.

And, in the interests of transparency, I must confess that my daughter and her football-mad boyfriend followed the Scotland team to oblivion in New York, Boston and Miami. Clearly there’s little prospect of me becoming an ‘influencer’, in our house at least.

Given that England’s difficulty is always Ireland’s opportunity, the colonialist’s performance has been of interest. I consoled myself that its steady progress through the competition would make its eventual defeat all the more sweet. In a winner-take-all competition, coming third is nothing, even if they beat the French.

England’s descent into the circle of hell against Argentina was certainly a moment to savour. The delight - shared by pretty much anyone who lived in countries coloured red on my childhood map of the world - was one of the highlights of the summer; more so because it brought back to the surface the unfinished business of las Islas Malvinas and Britain’s folly in holding on to a parcel of rock in the south Atlantic that it clearly has no right to.

It is ironic that, but for the stupidity of the Argentine dictator General Leopoldo Galtieri who invaded the islands in 1982, the Malvinas might now have been in Argentine hands.

The British Foreign Office had been actively negotiating a way out. If Andy Burnham is looking to save cash, he could start by gifting the islands to Argentina in the same way his football team gifted them a ticket into the World Cup final.

It might not fill the black hole in defence spending left behind by Keir Starmer, but £60 million a year would be a start. The sheep there won’t give a damn, and the islanders will be able to tap into the economic benefits that will follow reintegration - not least in tourism, fishing and the oil and gas industry.

For those who don’t want to stay, I’m sure the British government could provide them with a one-way ticket to the northern hemisphere. They might feel at home in Moygashel.

Better news on Britain’s shrinking empire came courtesy of Spain which this past week secured the collapse of the border with Gibraltar - while not an event of the magnitude of the fall of the Berlin Wall, it was nonetheless significant.

As with Northern Ireland, Gibraltar is not ‘as British as Finchley’, and the Gibraltarians finally seem to be waking up to the fact that their path to a strong and stable future lies with Europe not with London. Ditto Northern Ireland, but too many here are still of the mentality that it is worth cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Gibraltar’s status as a British Overseas Territory - there are 14 of them still - is an anomaly of history. The Treaty of Utrecht, which ceded the rock to the Crown, may have been fit for purpose in 1713. It’s not today. Gibraltar and Spain have recognised that. Good on them.

When loyalists here have done with their hate-crime-filled summer spree - burning down homes, abusing vulnerable people, chanting sectarian songs and insulting Islam and Catholicism - they might look to Gibraltarians for an example of pragmatism in the face of modern economic realities.

There is a different way if only they’d take it - a way that is more likely to enhance the lives of people from all traditions in the north.

It should not be that difficult for unionism to join the dots. Already this month we have had unionist ministers celebrating the overthrow of the Crown by the American colonies, and lauding to the skies the Ulster-Scots Presbyterians who helped shape the Declaration of Independence. What’s good enough for the USA is good enough for the Irish.

And who knows what unintended consequences might flow from reunification - not least the establishment of an all-Ireland soccer team capable of giving the English a run for their money - sure isn’t Harry Kane’s dad from Connemara?

And who knows, we might even see the prospect of a future World Cup final in Casement Park… well, you can dream. I might even be prepared to set aside my FIFA boycott and watch that one.