SerpApi.Org
In the modern dating age, when the topic of romance comes up, inevitably so does the talk of red flags.
Unlike green flags that indicate a romantic interest or partner has secure, positive qualities for dating, red flags indicate the opposite. These signs are complex, and how they manifest in relationships often leads to hurt, misunderstanding, and even trauma.
To better understand the complexities of these warning signs, I spoke with Amy Fielder, a certified trauma support specialist and holistic life coach, who shared her insights with BuzzFeed, along with five signs to look out for in dating and relationships.
To start, how should we define red flags? "Red flags are behaviors that over time cause harm, leaving you feeling unsafe, unsupported, [and] disrespected," said Amy. "You’ll feel unseen, unheard, and a lack of care and consideration for your physical, mental, and emotional well-being."
"Over time, they wear on you and take a toll on how connected, loved, appreciated, and respected you feel in the relationship," she added.
Here are the five dating Red flags Amy says to look out for, along with how they show up during conflict and impact the nervous system:
1.Inconsistent behavior after accountability
3.Turning feedback into a character judgment.
4.Invalidating your internal experience (not just your reaction)
5.Deflection and lack of accountability.
Red flags are incredibly complicated and stressful to deal with. Aside from the ones listed above, Amy added, "In general, [red flags] also include specific behaviors you personally do not value and can vary in rather nuanced ways person to person."
![Red flags are incredibly complicated and stressful to deal with. Aside from the ones listed above, Amy added, "In general, [red flags] also include specific behaviors you personally do not value and can vary in rather nuanced ways person to person."](https://img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net/tenant/amp/entityid/AA213aMa.img)
Discernment is "key" when it comes to identifying them. "Knowing when a boundary requires distance or the end of a relationship, and when it requires your voice, clear communication, and follow-through is an important skill to learn," said Amy.
Repair is key and not "optional." Without it, the nervous system stays in a state of uncertainty and self-protection — even if nothing "big" is happening — which can eventually lead to distance, resentment, and disconnection.
You can follow and learn more about trauma healing and how it effects relationships on Amy's Instagram and TikTok.
Have you ever experienced red flags in relationships? Let us know in the comments.
You Might Like: 27 Things From Nordstrom That’ll Make You The Most Stylish Person In The Room
You Might Like: 51 Dresses That’ll Let Your Legs Breathe After A Long Winter Of Tights And Pants
You Might Like: 36 Tips For Hiding All The Parts Of Your Home That Make You Go "Ugh" When You See 'Em
Also in *** & Love: People Confessed Some Trulyyyyy Titillating *** Secrets They Just Couldn't Hold In Any Longer
Also in *** & Love: 25 Male *** Workers Are Confessing What Really Happens With Clients, And It's More Intriguing Than You Think
Also in *** & Love: People Who "Accidentally" Caught Their Spouses Cheating Are Exposing What Happened, And My Jaw Is On The Floor For Some Of These
